Drowning in the Rain
by Storm Elf
Summary: And tear drops feel like rain...The Awakening, Two years after movig from the city, Ryo has the perfect job, the perfect house, and the perfect woman. But, if everything is so great, why does he cry every time it rains? ENDING FIXED
1. I dreamed a dream, a silent dream,

NOTE: I THE DIOLOG WITHOUT ACTION/DISCRIPTION IS DONE FOR DRAMATIC PURPOSES! Really, I swear! It was also in italics but I don't know how to do that on ff.net. if anyone wants to tell me, please do!!! I need toknow  
  
WARNING: Um, don't kill me. (note: I did not say "don't flame me" I meant don't kill me because of....well, you'll see in about the fifth or sixth paragraph with one three letter word. That means you are welcome to flame me should you desire)  
  
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+  
  
"I'm sorry Dee, but I have to."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because........I have to......"  
  
Ryo shot up in bed, causing the covers to pool in his lap. A warm sweat coated his entire body and his hands clenched the covers tightly, trying to strangle the life from them. He took in three deep breaths, trying to remind himself that it had only been a nightmare. His vision began to clear and he looked around the room to see that it was in order.  
  
The photographs hung on the wall, just like always, the red numbers on his alarm clock still reminded him of the time, and there was a lump not far from him in the bed. From outside, a random dog barked in the distance, the only sign of civilization at this hour.  
  
The lump of quilt next to him moved a little, attempting to sit up and comfort him. Strong, but not too strong, arms encircled him and a familiar head landed on his shoulder, black hair, a tangle in the morning, reached over to Ryo's face.  
  
It had been a year since Ryo had first woken up next to this beautiful creature, since they had moved in together anyway. They had fallen into a comfortable pattern, each fitting and complimenting the other perfectly.  
  
"Is something wrong, Randy" The figure asked, sleepily holding Ryo close, which turned out to be more like leaning heavily on him.  
  
"Everything is fine, Amy, I just had a nightmare. Try to get some more sleep." Ryo sighed as she pulled her arms away. He laid back down and pulled the thick quilt around him again, swiping a last glance at the alarm clock, only two hours before time to getup.  
  
"Ryo, you cant move! What will I do?"  
  
"I'm sorry Dee, but the doctor said......."  
  
"....That Biky needs a more relaxed environment, I know. But, why cant I move with you?"  
  
A blaring alarm clock snapped Ryo out of his dream. He smacked the oversized snooze button with all of his might, attempting to send it out the bottom of the clock if he could. Once the buzzing had been silenced, he proceeded to actually turn it off to keep it from going off again.  
  
"Could you have found a more annoying clock?" Amy muttered, rolling over to protect her eyes from the harsh light of the morning. Ryo shrugged and went to take his shower.  
  
There, with the hot water running over his body, he began to contemplate his dreams. He had dreamed about Dee before, about his old life, but never twice in the same night. He had to remind himself of why he had left it. Bikky had caused too much trouble to be overlooked and it was recommended that he was moved to somewhere "quieter where he might learn some manors as well," as the doctors had described. He had done it for Bikky and he had found the perfect place.  
  
After the move he had met Amy at a welcoming party for him. They became fast friends and more. One year later, she had already moved in with him. They were soul mates, she could sense it though Ryo remained unsure. He still thought of Dee at night, including having dreams about him that were much less tame than those of that night. As much as he wanted to deny it, he still loved that man. He didn't even know why he had pushed him away after the move.  
  
He continued to contemplate the night's dream until he reached the office and pushed all thoughts, save for those on work, out of his head as he plopped down at his desk. He brought up his email account and scanned through the various messages. Three were thank you notes, one was a change in policy, and five were notices about the unfortunate accident which befell their beloved coffee maker the day before. Nothing happened in that boring town!  
  
Ryo let out a sigh and closed his account without reading any of them. He pulled up some paper work and began filling in columns mindlessly. The drone of the office fan served as a bit of a distraction but not enough to use it as an excuse for not having his work done.  
  
A familiar voice from the front of the station caused him to discard the paperwork and find out who it was. It was a voice he had not heard in years, someone he wanted to see very much.  
  
"Ryo! What are you doing here?" The person asked as soon as they spotted him, stepping closer to give him a hug. "I knew I would find someone helpful, but I didn't know that they would be friendly!"  
  
"Diana!" Ryo laughed and hugged her back, momentarily looking around the station to see what the other officer's reactions were. Some of them, mostly the girls, glared at him as though he was cheating on Amy by hugging a girl that they didn't know. Half of the men were gawking at the shortness of her skirt as the other half scurried around trying to figure out what papers they would need to arrest someone for prostitution, this being the first time it came up in their neighborhood.  
  
"How are you?" She asked him, releasing him from her hold.  
  
"Just fine. I'm living with someone now." Ryo paused for a moment before adding more information. "Her name is Amy,"  
  
"Dee would be crushed if he found out." Diana laughed and Ryo grimaced. That was one aspect of his life he did not want to bring up in front of the entire office. "He was rather disappointed when you stopped talking to him after the move."  
  
"Um, lets go back to my office and I'll do what I can for you." Ryo led her down the hallway and into his personal office, which was not hard to get because the number of cops was so small. After letting her in and motioning for her to sit down, he closed the door tightly, making sure that no one could hear them. He looked down at the interesting tile beneath his feet, there was no way he could say it to her face. "I never told them about Dee......and I would prefer that they don't know."  
  
"I understand." She remained quiet, allowing the drama of the moment to pass. "Do you still, you know, miss him?"  
  
"Yes, I think about him every day still. Sometimes, I just want to call him up again, just to listen to him talk. I...." Ryo could not continue, he just sat down in his chair and bit his lip.  
  
"He still cares about you, you know. He really was disappointed when Drake and Ted both got a letter from you but he didn't. He said that the post probably just lost yours and smiled, but later I saw him crying. He still loves you." Diana looked at Ryo, watching for a reaction of any sort. "He would like that phone call that you were talking about."  
  
"I know he would. Now, what was it that you came here for?" Ryo tried desperately to change the subject any way he could.  
  
"I need directions to a town not far away from here. Rose's sister lives there and I am planning on meeting him there." Diana watched Ryo reach into one of his desk drawers and search for a map. "You know, Drake and JJ are living together now. JJ's apartment was too small so he is living in Drake's The chief had a fit because of the rule about not having relationships at work."  
  
"Ok" Ryo surfaced again with a thick map in his hand. "You are about here. The town that you mentioned is over here. Once you get on the main road, follow it out for ten minutes and then take exit 23. From there, just look for signs." Ryo handed her the map, signaling that he did not want to hear anything else about his old life.  
  
"Thank you, I'll get going now. I don't want to be late." Diana stood up and left the room without looking back, leaving Ryo alone with his thoughts. He already regretted some of the things he had said to her though his pride refused to let him call her back. What was done was done and nothing could change that.  
  
~+~+~  
  
Ryo quit early that day, trying to beat the rumors. He know that people would be talking about his strange visitor for some time. He was already the biggest scandal in the neighborhood for having an adopted child and living with someone without being married to them. If they believed that they could dig up more dirt on him they would start arriving with pick axes and shovels as early as three am to get started.  
  
"Hi Amy, I'm home." Ryo flung his coat over the hook and dropped his briefcase to the floor. He looked around the house, not moving from just inside the door. A soft sigh escaped his lips. Was he happy? He couldn't see why not. Sure, Bikky was away for a little bit but that could hardly make the difference. What could be missing? All of the photographs of his family and friends, minus Dee, hung on the walls. The only thing with Dee in it was the group photograph of everyone in the 27th. Ryo had made sure that Dee did nothing more than hold his hand behind JJ's back. JJ had refused to be parted from Dee.  
  
"This is so stupid." Ryo muttered to himself, walking into the living room. "I'm happy here. I have everything I need and almost everything that I want." He lowed himself to the couch and laid down for a little bit, allowing himself to relax for the first time that day. "I'm probably just a little down because of lack of sleep."  
  
The rest of that day was a blur to Ryo, identical to so many others. He spent time with Amy, watched TV, ate dinner, talked with Amy more, and finally, he fell asleep in his bed. He remembered to check that the alarm clock was off before turning off the light. There was no reason for him to get up early on his days off.  
  
He knew that he would have to face the facts some time, but this was not the time. He could delay it a little longer without torturing his heart.  
  
A smile crossed his face as he curled up with Amy in his arms but Dee in his heart.  
  
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+  
  
Ok people, what do you think? I am yet to become attached to this plot yet but I do have big plans for it. If you like it, tell me so that I know to continue. If you don't, tell me so that I know that I don't have to write it any more and can focus entirely on my original writing (which can be found at fanstory.com under the pen name of Sky Fire. You can find a member listing under the "community" section of the menu of the main page. My story that I focus on involves vamps. So check it out if you feel like it. This shameless promotion is over and done with!) Ok, I do have some emotional attachment to it so I don't need too many people saying "keep it up!" But the more I get, the more likely I am to write it faster! 


	2. Of a land not far away

Ok, the document manager update thingy scared me away for a little bit. Thankies for reviewing.  
  
After I posted this, I went through and found another story with a very similar plotline. I didn't mean to steal it, well, I did, but not from her. I took it from the millions of romance novels that my mom reads that all have the same basic plot. I wont go into it because I don't want to ruin it for those who don't read the back of cheap romance novels, but I didn't take this from any one person in particular. I am sorry about that, if I had known before it then I would have cleared it with her. Um, and if that person isn't a girl, I'm sorry to have say "her" rather than "him" but I am yet to find a boy on this site so I have begun to assume that everyone is female  
  
The deep rumbling of thunder in the distance caused Ryo to wake up. He instinctively attacked the alarm clock before waking up enough to realize that it was not his foe at the moment, today was his day off. He released the clock from his death grip and rolled over, trying desperately to get more sleep to continue his dream, but it would not come to him. The pounding of rain on the window refused to let up long enough for him to drift to sleep again.  
  
After only a few minutes, he surrendered to the fact that he would not finish his dream. He climbed out of bed, careful not to wake Amy as he did so, and walked out into the hallway, traveling towards the Kitchen. He made his coffee and took it into the living room where he sat next to the large window and watched the rain wash away the tiny partials of dirt that dared to litter the perfect sidewalk that wove across the perfect town.  
  
He understood why Bikky had agreed to go to boarding school, nothing happened in the town. So far, his biggest case was who knocked over Mr. Johnson's trash can and dented him. They asked the local paperboy if he had seen anything. He promptly confessed and spent the rest of the summer mowing lawns for the money to pay for the trash can, he wouldn't have gotten enough money just from being the paperboy.  
  
Ryo sighed, watching the rain run down the window. He reached behind him to the couch and pulled a blanket off of the back of it and wrapped it around himself. Although the afternoons were scorching, the morning were still cold, particularly when it rained. As he sat there, bundled up in that warm blanket, he allowed his mind to drift.  
  
"It rained that night..." He muttered to himself, reaching out with one finger to trace the path of a single rain drop. He pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders and tried to shut out the pain that still haunted his mind when he did not watch his thoughts.  
  
He still remembered that night vividly, and he knew that he always would. Two years ago, the rain pounded heavily on the New York City pavement, running in rivers down the road before falling into drains. He had stood outside of Dee's apartment for hours working up the courage to knock on the door, trying not to cry. He had come to say good bye to the man he loved, good bye forever. The other goodbyes had been taken care of already at the office. Although they had been full of pain and anguish, nothing could match this.  
  
With a heavy heart, he pounded on the door. Dee opened the door just enough to see who was out there before swinging it open, half prepared for a visit from JJ it seemed. Ryo stepped in, unsure of how to act.  
  
"I know why you are here." Dee walked to the couch and sat down, signaling for Ryo that it was safe to do the same. "I suppose that we will just say good bye and then you walk out of that door and I never see you again, right?"  
  
All of the tears that Ryo had fought off threatened to return and overtake his body. He kept his eyes cast down at the floor. If he could see Dee in this pitiful state, all resistance would be gone. He wanted to believe that he was the strong one, that he would not burst into tears at the thought of not seeing Dee. The pain crushed his spirit. He had to try three times before he was able free the words from their binding.  
  
"No, that's not what I want. I don't want to be alone right now, I want to be with you tonight, ignore tomorrow for now. I don't want to say good bye, ever." He felt Dee's arm come across his back, pulling him closer. All of his resistance fell and he began to cry into Dee's chest.  
  
"I'll never say good bye then." Dee held him close, allowing Ryo to cry out all of his tears into his strong chest, arms wrapped around him. They eventually fell asleep like that, in each other's arms. When Ryo left, neither of them said good bye.  
  
The memory still pulled at Ryo's heartstrings. Three tears fell down his face, washing away a day's worth of dirt and creating a tiny line of freshly cleaned skin. An arm reaching over his shoulder shook him out of his daze. For one idealistic moment, he thought that it was Dee but cold reality overtook that notion far too soon. It was Amy.  
  
"Randy, honey, are you alright?" Amy hugged Ryo closer but he did not acknowledge her presence. He continued to look out at the rain cascading from the swollen clouds. "Please, tell me what is wrong or I cant help you. Did you think that I would be worried about that girl that visited you? I'm not, I trust you more than that."  
  
Ryo shook his head some, the first proof that he had been listening, and then returned to watching the rain. Amy seemed to understand that he wanted to be alone and she went into the kitchen to get her own coffee before returning to the bedroom.  
  
She set her coffee on the dresser and pulled a photo album out from under the bed. She leafed through the pages. In most of them, Ryo's happy face smiled back at her, but some revealed an ill contrived illusion of joy and barely masked pain. It was not the first time that he had slipped into depression. Every time it poured down rain he would watch it, allowing tears to run down his face and not say a word to anyone. Not even Bikky had known what it was about.  
  
She went to put the album away, shoving it under the bed, but it hit something. Her curiosity was struck and she reached under the bed to find what she had hit. She pulled back a shoe box that she had never seen before with Ryo's name scribbled on the top. Amy went against her better judgment and pulled the top off of it. For a long time she had suspected that the reason for his depressions had been because of his past but he remained so secretive that she didn't even know the names of his friends.  
  
"The only way that I can help him is if I know what happened, the only way that I can know what happened is to snoop because he wont tell me. I'm snooping through his stuff for his own good." Amy told herself as she lifted the lid to the box. Inside there was a sheet of paper with a note scribbled out on it in messy handwriting matching the first signature at the bottom of the page.  
  
"RYO! Hey, it was great working with you and we all wanted to get you a good bye present but we didn't know what you would want so we decided to make you a scrapbook but then we realized that we didn't know how so we made a shoebox full of memories instead. Just one warning, Dee did the black pouch and wouldn't let us see what was in it.  
  
Great working with you and we are going to miss you,  
  
Drake, JJ, Ted, Rose, Diana, and Dee (who I'm sure has another present for you too so his name goes last!)"  
  
Amy put the note aside and began to poke through the contents of the box. A large picture covered most of the inside of it picturing the entire Twenty- Seventh Precinct together with the names listed at the bottom from left to right. Below it was a smaller picture of six people, five men and one woman, standing together in a group. Names were signed next to each of the people's faces, the names from the letter. One person stood out among them, a man with black hair, green eyes, and a smug grin on his face. He was handsome and he knew it. She tried to read the name but it was a blur rather than actual letters. It could not be deciphered by a team of handwriting consultants and code crackers. Giving up on his name, she moved to the other photos.  
  
The black haired man appeared in many of the other ones, but he was never alone. One picture of him had a man latched around his chest with him looking like he would rather be anywhere else. She recognized the smaller man from the picture, his name was JJ. JJ was also in another picture, hugging someone again. This time she recognized him as Drake, and he was more willing to participate in the hug. Many of them had groups of three or four, some even had all of them. They were goofing off, joking around, and a few serious pictures. The last one she picked up was of the black haired man standing alone. It was a black and white picture and was worthy of being printed in a magazine.  
  
She placed the pictures back in the box and topped them with the letter. She had to tell Ryo about the snooping that she had done and see if she could get some answers out of him.  
  
Amy found him still looking out of the window though he had stopped crying. She sat down next to him and set the box down where he could see it but she was still closer to it. His usually un-breakable trance was lost when he saw it.  
  
"Where did you get that?" He asked, reaching for it, eyes wide with terror. "Did you look through it?"  
  
"Only a little. I only looked at the pictures on top." Amy did not try to keep him from taking the box from her. "Why do you ask?"  
  
"You shouldn't look through things that don't belong to you!" Ryo yelled at her, clutching the box close to his chest and standing up. "People might not want people poking through it. "  
  
"I'm sorry, I just thought that I might figure out what made you so depressed every time it rains like this. I didn't mean to invade your privacy." She looked up at him, not knowing why he would get so upset. He was always calm and friendly to her as well as everyone else. This was the first time she had seen him yell at anyone other than Bikky, and he had deserved it.  
  
"It's alright." He relaxed and sat back down. "I overreacted, I shouldn't have yelled. It is only that, well, there are some things in here that I don't want other people to know about, that's all."  
  
"If you don't mind me asking, can I hear something about your past. You don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to, but I would like to hear something about it." She moved closer to Ryo, placing a hand on his shoulder, near begging for a response.  
  
"Alright, I'll tell you some things." He got out the box and began telling her about Ted, About Drake, JJ, Rose, and Diana, leaving out anything to do with Rose liking him or JJ chasing after Dee, who he left out entirely. He knew that he wouldn't get away without giving out some information about Dee, but he wanted to hold back on it for as long as possible.  
  
"What about him, the man with the dark hair." Amy picked up the photo that she had liked best, the black and white one. "Who was he?"  
  
"That's Dee, he was my friend for many years." Ryo's voice dropped to a whisper, alerting Amy that this was where the trouble came from. She could picture terrible images of him dying after they had completed the box, maybe even suicide judging by the idea that he had something that he was hiding from anyone else. She wanted to press for information but held back.  
  
"You really miss him. Is he the reason that you don't like to talk about your past?" Amy hugged him loosely, looking over his shoulder at the picture. Ryo didn't say anything but he nodded solemnly. "I understand if you don't want to talk about him. I'll leave you alone."  
  
Ryo sat there, making sure that she was gone, before he dared to open the black packet, the one that he knew Dee had put together. Right on top was his favorite photograph. It had been a day in late spring when Dee treated Ryo, Bikky, and Carol to ice cream in the park. Carol had snapped the photograph when no one else was paying attention. Ryo was leaving back on Dee's chest, looking back into his eyes as he looked back down. Bikky was sitting a short distance away from them, ignoring them and concentrating entirely on his ice cream. It had been one of the few times that Ryo had allowed Dee to touch him in public.  
  
The rest of the photographs were also of them together, some less appropriate than others. The one at the bottom was just of Ryo, lying in bed after one of their nights together. His hair was all messed up and the sheets were strewn about, but he laid there like an angle in calm serenity, a content smile on his face. At the bottom, written with Dee's scrawling handwriting, were four words, "I love you.....Always" Ryo began to cry again, holding that picture close.  
  
"Amy!" He stood up and walked into he kitchen. "Amy, I cant take it anymore. I need to talk to him. Please say that I can invite him up for a weekend. There are some things that I need to settle." Amy ran to his side, hugging him tightly and leading him to a chair. She had no idea what had gotten him so worked up, but she wanted to see it resolved.  
  
"You can invite any of your friends up whenever you want, you know that, Randy."  
  
Ryo nodded and began to stifle his tears. He relaxed and stood up, drying his eyes a final time.  
  
"I'm going to go call him....."  
  
Ok, I think you all know the drill, please review, if you see something you like, tell me so that I can put more in. If you see something you hate, tell me so that I wont put any more in, BUT AMY AND JAMES STAY!!!! Otherwise there isn't much of a plot left. I know of some people, one in particular, who wish them great harm in the near future. 


	3. Where no birds sang, no steeples rang

Ok, I have gotten two emails asking me to update, one threatening bodily harm via a wooden spoon, so I figured that it was time to update. These are the things that spur me on, I need them. Now, moving on to the excuse. I'm going to go one the good failsafe of too busy. You see, my movie is premiering June tenth and the slight problem is that it is not edited yet nor is the soundtrack written. That is my top priority at the moment, I hope you understand. If none of you have ever tried to produce a film then you could not understand how hectic it gets. I think we still have another scene to film!!!! (go to www.thegreensword.tk because it is awesome!)

* * *

Ryo's fingers hovered over the glowing numbers on the phone, itching to dial Dee's cell phone number but suddenly getting cold feet. What if Dee had decided that he didn't care about him any more? What if he was mad?  
  
"You will never know until you call him." Ryo told himself, pressing the first number. "Now I have to keep going or else I will get the operator." The rest of the numbers flew by and soon a familiar sound of ringing followed. It rang twice before it was answered.  
  
"Hello, Dominos Pizza, what can I do for you?" the voice on the other side commented lazily.  
  
"DEE!" Ryo laughed, recognizing Dee's voice and knowing him far too well to actually expect that he had called Dominos Pizza by mistake.  
  
"Ryo! Oh my god!" Dee's laugher carried over the phone. It was a sweet melody to Ryo's ears, the sound of that man's laugh made him long for his touch. He felt himself go weak in the knees and need to sit down. He collapsed on the carpet, now glad that he had gotten the long phone cord rather than the short one  
  
"I'm sorry for not keeping in touch with you for all of this time, but I don't know if I could have been able to stand hearing from you but not being able to be with you. Please forgive me, I know that it is a lot to ask." Ryo held his breath. He feared Dee's reaction, there was no way that he would forgive him just like that and he didn't want him to realize that he had broken down at the very sound of Dee's voice. "And, I want to invite you up to visit me." Ryo had no idea how Dee would react to the sudden change in his mood.  
  
"When can I come over?" on the other end of the line, Dee smiled. Drake laughed at the idiotic expression on his face but was soon smacked by JJ. "Oh, please say soon!" There was a pause as Ryo spoke, and then "Next weekend works for me too, but, just so you are warned, I have changed some......You have too, that's good. I mean, you were perfect as you were, but it is just good that you don't think that having the love of your soul mate ripped away from you, for two years, for no good reason, wouldn't change someone."  
  
They continued on until their goodbyes were said, without saying the words, instead they swore to see each other soon. Dee put the phone down and looked to Drake and JJ.  
  
"He invited me to visit him for a weekend." Dee told them in an excited yet hushed voice. "I'm just not sure if going would be such a good idea. I might end up doing something that I'll regret afterwards. I think I might call back and cancel." Dee bit his lip, chewing hard on one particular area, fingers playing overtop of the phone. The excitement was gone now, he was already filled with regret.  
  
"Oh come on! You told me yourself that you don't really care about James, what do you have to loose?" Drake asked, having to push JJ off of his mouth first. Even though they saw one another every day, JJ always acted like it would be their first and last moment together in years.  
  
"I know, but I thought that I was over him." Dee slouched down on his desk. "I suppose you never really get over love, do you?"  
  
"Never." Drake confirmed, "And if he had the power to make you give up everything for that long, that was love." Drake reached around JJ and pulled two doughnuts out of the box, handing one to Dee and keeping the other for himself. JJ immediately started whining for one and Dee left the room so that he and Drake could share one however they wished.  
  
"And Ryo complained about me being horny!" he muttered to himself as he left the precinct. "If he could only see them now that Drake isn't so uptight." Dee flung himself in front of a cab, forcing it to pick him up, and gave him an address for the other side of the city, willing to pay whatever price he had to in order to get there as fast as possible. He had to tell James that the date was off.  
  
He was dropped off in front of a large building that stretched upwards for stories beyond count. He entered the lobby and headed directly to the stairs, climbing to the sixth floor by foot rather than the elevator. He had always thought it to be too crowded. About in the middle of the hallway, he reached James' apartment and knocked on the door.  
  
"Come in" James called from inside. Dee opened the door to find his new boyfriend stretched out on the couch watching TV. "Dee, what are you doing here? We don't have a date tonight, do we?" James sat up as Dee cam closer.  
  
"No," Dee moved over to the couch and sat down in a space recently vacated by James' legs. "I have to cancel our plans for this weekend. I know that you were looking forward to it, but something came up."  
  
"Is it some other guy?" James' soft blue eyes formed into an unnatural looking glare after his confused question. "If it is, just tell me."  
  
"Yes, it is, very good friend of mine invited me to spend the weekend with him. I want to visit him while I have the chance, because I haven't heard from him in two years, but it sounds like he has had some tough times." Dee carefully manipulated the facts so that James couldn't see the truth beneath them. "So, yeah, it is another man."  
  
A look of relief spread over James' face, still clueless as to the truth and willing to believe anything that Dee told him. He rapidly agreed to canceling their plans and attempted to start a make out session with Dee who, for the first time in his life, refused. He had too much on his mind for that.  
  
He had to get ready to go, physically and mentally. He had the entire week to pack that wasn't the problem. He just wasn't sure that he could face the man who broke his heart, not only broke it, but shattered it beyond the point of repair. After Ryo had left him he had plunged downward, drinking more and giving up on his attempts to quit smoking. He had promised Ryo that he would do neither, but that had been when he still thought that Ryo loved him, that was what had given him the power to change. Without it, he was worse off than before. It had only been the week before that Dee had been able to scrape together enough courage to ask another man out again, James, but he knew that he didn't love him. He knew that he would never love so truly again.  
  
The news anchor droned on and on about the latest crisis as Ryo and Amy snuggled on the couch, half paying attention to the strife of some small country that they had never heard of and completely ignoring the story on a small town's trouble in putting up a monument in the park.  
  
"Randy, I wont be able to be here when your friend gets here. I have to watch Melody's chorus concert." Amy whispered to him, not wanting to break the calm silence that had fallen over the room. "You remember my niece, right? The cute little girl with the curls. She has a solo and I promised that I would go to it and then the date got pushed back because the renovation on the auditorium was behind schedule."  
  
"That's alright, it might even be for the best, that way I get to talk with him a little bit first." Ryo sighed slightly, chewing on his bottom lip.  
  
"Is something wrong, baby?" Amy asked, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "Are you having second thoughts?" she loosened her grip to allow Ryo to turn around to look at her. His liquid back eyes had a sad shine to them, as though he were about to cry.  
  
"More like third or fourth. Dee, the guy I invited up, he made a big difference in my life. He really changed me and made me realize things about myself that I never would have figured out on my own. He means a lot to me, but since I left the city, I have managed to forget everything that he showed me, it wasn't easy and it wasn't a good idea either. I cant wait to see him, but I don't want to mess up my life here. I got in more trouble with him on my first week on the job than I have in my two years here combined. There are other things, but I think that it is in my past."  
  
"If that is what you want." She snuggled back down with him, kissing his cheek before laying her head down on his chest. She could think of nowhere else that would be better, no glory that could be greater, than being with him. She had met he him on the three anniversary of her husbands death after a three year marriage. He had always said that threes were always popping up in his life. When she talked to Ryo she could tell that he was the one, something inside told her that it would be alright to date again and she was quick to settle down. "I love you."  
  
Ryo mumbled something in response, not wanting to claim love when he was having doubts about it. Talking with Dee had changed something in him, though he was not sure just what. He wasn't planning on abandoning Amy after a single call from a lost love, and certainly not a gay one at that. He had decided long ago that it had been nothing more than foolishness. Dee was the exception, the one man he could care about, but he wasn't gay. He was always certain about that. He would not allow himself to be put under a label like that, never. He had not moved past that part of his life, it had never happened, Dee had only confused him and tricked him into thinking that he loved him. After he met with him, he would see that his life was all straightened out and that he didn't love Dee. He had told himself that many sleepless nights. Despite his insistence, he was never fully able to convince himself that he didn't need the black haired man.

* * *

Ok, I know, short chapter, shorter than the rest even, but I couldn't find a way to drag it out any longer. I don't want to have them meet yet because that would be just cruel because I don't like to mess around with chapter length so it would have been cruel to you for letting them meet and then not letting you see any of the action yet, and I use the term "action" lightly.  
  
Sorry about long updating time, I need more people to hound me to get me to write! 


	4. And tear drops fell like rain

I was planning on updating earlier today but um, ff.net, AOL, and the bad guys in Kingdom hearts hate me so that plan was delayed. But the important thing is that here it is! Another chapter of Drowning in the Rain all for you!  
  
"You can do this, you are over him. It took you a damn long time, but you got over him." Dee repeated to himself, checking the address one last time before pulling into the driveway. His heart pounded in his chest as he pulled in. Ryo had stepped out onto the front porch, unwittingly admitting that he had been watching of the window for him to arrive. He smiled in spite of himself, it was the same old Ryo. "Just remember Dee, you are over him." He reminded himself one last time before opening the car door and getting out.  
  
Neither one was sure how to act and an awkward silence stood between them. Ryo chewed his bottom lip some, trying to think of something to do or say. "Let me help you with your stuff." His normally soft voice had almost disappeared behind the twittering of the song birds who lived in the area.  
  
"Sure, I'll carry the big one though." Dee popped open the trunk and pulled out a small duffel bag and a large suitcase. He handed the smaller one to Ryo, placing the other one on the gleaming black asphalt. He glanced over at Ryo. He was already headed p the sidewalk, heading towards the door. He allowed himself to watch him for a few steps before following him. He hurried right up behind him, wanting to get inside as fast as possible and set the suitcase down. He could have sworn that JJ had snuck into his apartment and loaded it with bricks, stone, or some other heavy thing.  
  
As soon as he got in, Dee dropped the suitcase. Once it had left his hands, something came over him. Ryo looked his way and, without thinking, Dee stepped over the suitcase, grabbed Ryo and began to kiss him, pulling him into it. Just as many times before, Ryo struggled.  
  
"Dee!" Ryo pushed him off, causing him to stumble over the discarded suitcase and smack his head on the wall. Just centimeters above his head a framed photograph swung, the corner hitting him once. Dee stepped forward, just not on the suitcase this time, and turned around to adjust the photograph.  
  
"Whose this?" he asked casually, steadying the photo as he looked at it. He could not find any better way to describe the person in it than a female version of him. She had black hair, well taken care of, and shining green eyes that could pierce into your soul it you looked at them too long. "Ryo, who is it?"  
  
"That's Amy, she lives with me and I'm saving up the money for a ring right now. I want to ask her to marry me." Ryo's voice did not waver with uncertainty, it was steady and calm as though he were talking to an old friend, not a former lover. "She isn't home right now, but she will be in a few hours. Follow me, I'll show you where your room is. I hope you don't mind that it is Bikky's old room. He is off at boarding school right now."  
  
"Ryo, I think that coming here was a mistake." Dee did not move from the doorway. "I should leave."  
  
"You have to at least stay for supper, Amy would be very disappointed if you didn't. She is looking forward to meeting you." Ryo tossed the duffle bag into Dee's room, or what would have been Dee's room.  
  
"She doesn't know everything, does she?" Dee stepped closer to him, accusing him. "You didn't tell her anything, did you?" Dee pinned Ryo against the wall, just as he had done so many times right before a steamy kiss, but this was the opposite, though Ryo still made the same adorable face as he had years ago. Something in the gaze made Dee want to pounce on him even though he knew that it would only make him mad.  
  
"No," Ryo ducked under his arms and headed for the kitchen, "Your right, I didn't. No one in this town knows about you. Well, she knows about you, but you are only an old friend of mine and nothing more. Furthermore, that is the story that we will be sticking with, understood?" Ryo glared at him, warning him that he had better agree to the terms, no matter how unfair they seemed to him."  
  
Dee nodded, not looking over at him. "I didn't come here to win you back, you know that, right? I came here because we were good friends, but mostly because I need closure. You just walked away and didn't let me follow you. I loved you for months after that. I wasn't even sure if our relationship had ended until Drake and Ted got letters from you. I joked around, saying that mine had gotten lost in the mail, or that it would get here a little late, but I knew that it was over. Even I'm not that stupid."  
  
"Diane already told me about that, and I did write a letter for you, I just never sent it." Ryo lost the casual tone, moving of one to remorse, hurt, and deep pain. "But you must be over it by now. Do you have anyone right now?"  
  
"As a matter of fact..." Dee reached into his wallet and drew out a picture of James. "I do. His name is James." He handed the photo to Ryo who looked at it for a moment, nodded approvingly, and passed it back. "We have been going out for only a few weeks so far, but it looks promising."  
  
"That's great!" Ryo tried to hide it, but it stung that Dee had been able to move on, not that he hadn't expected him to. He knew that he could never love him again, but he had still hoped against hope that there was a chance, no matter how small, that Dee wouldn't be able to love again. If it had been a book, that would be how it would happen. Dee would return, still harboring love for him, and he would sweep Ryo off his feet and return him to New York, but those endings were saved for crappy romance novels, not real life. "Um, I know that this is random, but we have a few hours to kill, want me to give you a tour around town?"  
  
"Sure, lead the way." Dee laughed, moving out of the doorway so that Ryo could make his way through. They headed out the door, getting into the car and driving off.  
  
They pulled back in near time for dinner, not wanting to miss any of Amy's cooking. Ryo had already bragged about it to Dee so he knew that he had to have some. The car doors slammed shut and they made their way up the sidewalk in near silence, breaking it only long enough for Dee to thank him for the tour. As soon as they came in the door, Amy was there. She hugged Ryo and then turned to Dee. "I suppose that you would be Dee, right? Randy has told me a lot about you, its nice to finally meet you."  
  
"Pleasures all mine," Dee grumbled. Ryo elbowed him and me smiled at her. "Forgive me, I'm a little tired, that's all. Car rides make me sleepy." He extended his hand, forcing himself to touch the foul beast that kept Ryo company at night, a job which he had been meant to do, or so he had though. "Dee, you are over him." He whispered in his mind. "If he has found someone else, that is good for him, you have no right to break them up."  
  
"Excuse me, I have to go take care of something in the kitchen. Dinner will be served in a few minutes so don't bother wandering off to do something." Amy walked over to the stove and proceeded to cut the carrots for the salad. She had gotten the other vegetables cut before they had arrived.  
  
"She is beautiful." Dee sighed, realizing that he now had nothing over her. She was nice, polite, a good cook, attractive, but mostly, she was female. She could give Ryo children, though it was clear that they were not up to that yet. "I would have been disappointed if she wasn't."  
  
"She really is, but you know that that isn't why I love her." Ryo shifted uncomfortably, not liking where this conversation would likely lead. Dee would ask why it was that he loved her and he wouldn't be able to answer. He wasn't sure that he could put it in words. He wasn't even sure if he knew exactly why.  
  
"I know, you aren't that shallow." Dee smiled some. "You never were."  
  
Ryo smiled but did not offer an answer otherwise. The two of them shifted, nervously, before dinner was called. The dining room was not particular in any way. It was a rectangular room with two windows, a table surrounded by chairs, and a display in the corner proudly showing off some fine china. The walls were a dusty blue, the carpet a cool gray. The dishes sat upon a naked table adorned only by pasta, breadsticks, and a pitcher of ice tea. The effect was pleasing, but entirely forgettable.  
  
Dee claimed a chair next to Ryo and began spooning pasta on his plate once given the go-ahead from Amy. The questions bordered on personal, but none dipped that far. They were things that would be asked at any dinner conversation. How was your trip? What did you think of the town? Did Randy show you the park? "Do you have a girlfriend?"  
  
"Not exactly," Dee popped another bite of the breadstick in his mouth, savoring the garlic flavor before washing it down with ice tea, though he thought it could use more sugar.  
  
"Are you between relationships then?" Amy asked, not knowing what she was getting herself into. Dee grinned some, getting ready to discover just how tolerant she was, but Ryo found his hand under the table and gave it a quick smack, reminding him to behave.  
  
"No, it is hard to explain. Mmm, this tea is great." Dee smiled and took another sip of the bitter tea. "How long ago did you and Ryo get together?"  
  
"Ryo?" Amy looked at him, entirely confused. Dee explained why he referred to Randy as Ryo and Amy began to tell him about meeting him at a family get together. Dee listened politely but was not exactly interested by it.  
  
Desert was more simple. They ate with very minimal conversation and piles of pudding, plus a little cake. After they put the plates in the sink, Ryo pulled Dee away. He had remembered what De had said about leaving after supper, but he had hoped that Dee had changed his mind.  
  
"Dee, please, I want you to stay the weekend, please, don't go back yet." Ryo moved closer to him, reaching out with one hand and placing it on Dee's upper arm. His pleading eyes dug into Dee's heart, he knew that he couldn't say no.  
  
"I'll stay if it means that much to you. Just say the word and show me to my room." Dee smiled, not letting on that he wanted to stay more than Ryo wanted him to yet he retained that he did not love Ryo, he only cared about him.  
  
Ryo took Dee down the hall and opened the door to Bikky's room, motioning Dee to go inside before following him in. He closed the door as soon as he was in the room and locked it, just to be sure that it would not be opened suddenly. "Dee, I want to talk to you about Amy, I just want to make sure that there are no misunderstandings."  
  
"What is there to understand, you love her and I'm happy for you, I'm a little jealous, but I wont hold that against you." Dee poked through his bag, trying to find something, Ryo wasn't sure what. "But I would still like to be your friend, can you arrange that much for me?" Dee gave up on his pursuit and placed the bag on the floor, waiting for Ryo's response.  
  
"Yes, I'm glad to have you as a friend."  
  
muwahahahaha! Um, no, it isn't over yet. Just chill, I value my life too much to end it here! There is still much more to this fic! This is still the first half of The Awakening (if you haven't noticed, I'm using the lines from the song as my chapter names) 


	5. I dreamed a dream, a silent dream

Ok, um, I wasn't sure what made everyone so sad last chapter but if that one almost made you cry then you um, might want to find some tissues for this one, it made me sad. Oh, there is a little present for all of the readers, a nice little smooch between Dee and Ryo, second one in the story. Hope you like it!

* * *

Amy opened her eyes, straining to see in the dim light given off by the streetlamp. From what she could tell, Ryo was tossing and turning in his bed, wrapping the covers around himself in his violent movements. The material, dampened by his sweat, clung to his body, showing the pale flesh beneath the white veil.  
  
She flipped the switch of the lamp to gain a better look. His gentle frame was not trembling in fear, his fingers did not strangle the sheets from panic. Low moans escaped his mouth as the pressed his head against the pillow, muttering soft words into the silky material. Amy watched him like this, bathed in the warm glow of the light, before leaning over his now quiet body and placing a wet kiss on his forehead. His eyes opened, taking in the scenery and opening wide in surprise.  
  
"Is something wrong?" Amy asked, worried and not sure what kind of dream he was having.  
  
"No, nothing, lets just get some more sleep." Ryo dismissed it, not telling her any of the happenings. He turned away from her, he couldn't face her, not after that dream. He had dreamt of Dee, of what they had done in the past. Although he had had a similar dream several times, always laying right next to Amy, he had never mentioned dreaming of another person, not even in passing.  
  
He did not deny that he had enjoyed the dream, despite his attempts to claim that Dee had only confused him. In the past, he had been able to play it off as his subconscious playing tricks on him, making him believe that he had enjoyed it more than he actually had, but now he set out to prove it. Dee slept not too far away, a quick trip down the hall would resolve the matter once and for all.  
  
After making sure that Amy was sleeping again, Ryo pulled back his covers and crept from his bed. He slinked down the hall and entered Dee's room without a sound. Dee lay wrapped in covers, but not fully covering him. They were twisted around his body like vines holding a captive. For a fleeting moment, Ryo wondered if Dee had been plagued by the same sort of dream, but that was hardly the right question to ask.  
  
"Dee," Ryo reached out far enough to take hold if the dark haired detective's muscular shoulder. He shook it until Dee's brilliant green eyes opened to the darkness.  
  
"Ryo? What are you doing up this late, and more specifically, what are you doing up this late in my room?" Dee yawned and sat up in bed, untangling himself as he went along. "Is there something that you need?" the last stubborn length of sheet relinquished its hold on Dee's body and he rose to his feet, finding himself now standing very close to Ryo. He wanted to reach out for him, his arms ached to hold him close to his body, to caress his torso and just hold him tight, but his "love" for James prevented him from doing so.  
  
"Dee, I have to find something out once and for all. I cant stand it anymore!" Ryo's eyes widened, looking directly into Dee's dark green eyes, which Ryo saw them as two emeralds, sparkling in the darkness. "I have to know."  
  
"Know what, Ryo?" Dee reached his hand out just an inch and Ryo moved to meet it. Without warning, Ryo flung himself on the dark haired man, searching for his lips with his own. Dee fought him off. "Ryo! Ryo stop it! What are you doing?" With one final shove, Dee knocked Ryo to the ground.  
  
"I'm sorry," Tears stung Ryo's eyes as he looked up at the tall man in front of him, tall dark and handsome. "I just had to see if it was the same."  
  
Dee stepped towards him and extended a hand down to him. Ryo grasped it and was lifted to his feet and pulled to Dee's chest. "If you want something, just ask." Dee leaned over him and placed a feather soft kiss on Ryo's pale lips, lingering for just a moment. His eyes searched the blackness, watching Ryo's reaction. Ryo leaned in, hoping to be favored with another sweet kiss. Dee gave it to him, a little harder than before. His tongue ran over Ryo's pursed lips, hoping for an entrance, one was soon provided. They stayed in their embrace, tongue's dancing to the night's silent beat, moonlight streaming over their bodies. Warm hands ran under shirts, buttons began to open, exposing pale flesh to the night's air.  
  
Ryo pulled back, realizing what he was doing. He pushed Dee away and began to button his shirt again. "I didn't mean for it to go this far." He explained, fleeing the scene and rushing through his room to the bathroom. He threw his clothes to the floor and jumped into the freezing shower. The cold water poured over his body as he gained control of his breathing. He leaned heavily on the wall, shivering uncontrollably from the icy water.  
  
The door squeaked open and Dee stepped in. "Ryo, I didn't mean to go that far either, I should have had more control. Are you alright in there?"  
  
"Yes! Don't open the curtain!" Ryo slid down to the bottom of the tub, the water slamming onto his head with unimaginable force. The white tiles around him shined with cleanness, something that he could never achieve again. He had cheated on Amy, he had played with Dee's heart, but worst off, he had found the truth. He had loved Dee, and he still did. He had lied to himself and everyone around him for over a year.  
  
"Alright, I'll go back to my room, I just wanted to apologize." Dee left the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He went back to his room and sat on his bed, not trusting himself to sleep for fear of his dreams. Every pent up hormone had escaped then and there, all forcing him to go deeper into the kiss, each one drowning out the common sense that dared to speak out against it.  
  
He laid down and pulled the covers up around his neck, wondering how they had gotten into such a twisted mess. He did not have to fight to stay awake, the recent nightly visit had dashed any hopes of sleep. He had far too much to think about, too much to contemplate. "What had Ryo needed to find out?" he wondered out loud. "He said something about needing to see if something was the same, but what? Ok, I need to stop thinking about this. Ryo is Amy's now and I am with James, we are over each other."  
  
Dawn rose over a town that had changed little in many years but had now changed overnight. Romances were simple and clear. No one cheated on anyone, divorces never happened, wives were safe from their husband's hands, and people were attracted to those of different genders, that was just the way things were. Now half of the "ethics" came crashing down, abandoned by one of the people who had held them high.  
  
The harsh sunlight reached Ryo's eyes. His hair was still damp from the shower. He had not bothered to dry it after he got out of the shower. The covers around him had dried sometime during the night, he had not dried himself at all before climbing into bed. His clothes still lay where he had thrown them the night before, collapsed in a heap just inside the bathroom. He decided to gather them before Amy awoke.  
  
With every bit of evidence hidden, he crawled back into bed, waiting for Amy to wake up. He even flipped the pillow over to hide the wet spot left by his soaked hair, he had thought of everything, or he had believed.  
  
"Randy, what happened last night?" Amy asked, reaching out to stroke his hair with one hand. "You ran into the bathroom. I meant to ask you as soon as you came out, but I feel asleep waiting for you, and what did Dee mean about it 'going that far,' tell me what happened."  
  
"I, um, I don't want to talk about it, please. It has something to do with something that happened while we were on police work, a nasty case. Now, please let it drop." Ryo knew that he could not be creative in the morning, but he considered his lie to be pretty good with all circumstances considered.  
  
"If that is what you want, I understand." Amy kissed his forehead, brushing some of his hair out of his eyes. "But if you ever want to talk about it, I'm willing to listen."  
  
Amy rose out of bed and began getting ready to leave. She had some sort of appointment to keep, Ryo was not sure what, and had to leave soon. He wished her farewell from the bed, but did not make an attempt to stand up.  
  
Half an hour later he pulled himself out of bed and went in search of Dee. He found him nursing a cup of coffee in the living room chair. Ryo moved to the chair next to him, looking nervously over at him. "Dee, I shouldn't have gone into your room last night."  
  
"Your right, you shouldn't have, but you did. Just tell me by what you meant by 'seeing if it is the same' if what was the same?" Dee shifted, taking another sip of his coffee and watching the morning shadows dance on the wall.  
  
"I meant kissing you. I didn't want to be in love with you so I convinced myself that you had only confused me but I had recently figured everything out. I thought that if I kissed you again I could see that I never actually loved you, but I was wrong, I did love you, but I have moved on now." Ryo looked at the almost glowing figure next to him. The sun hit him just right, accenting the beautiful features of his face and body.  
  
"Thanks Ryo, loved that last comment!" Dee stood up, leaving his coffee behind him. He stormed off to the kitchen.  
  
"That's not how I meant it!" Ryo stood up to follow him but he was cut off by Dee ranting.  
  
"NO! That is exactly how you meant it! You have gotten over me, like someone gets over a disease. It isn't the chicken pox Ryo, you don't get over it, ever. I don't know if you realize this, but it hurts to see you with Amy. It hurts when I hear about how soon you started going out with her. I was only able to kiss another man last week. I was too torn up about loosing you. I'm not jealous of Amy, if you love her then I wish you the best of luck. I don't love James, I don't know if I will ever be able to give my heart away again, but if you are able to get over me that easily, good for you! I just don't want you playing with my heart, it has barely healed since the last time you broke it. Last night you came into my room and tried to smother me with a kiss, and then minutes later you are running away from me. I don't know what to think or what to do." Dee fell into the chair again. He was tired of having his heart pulled at. "If you want the truth, I still love you, I still think of you every night before I go to sleep, but if you asked me to take you back, I couldn't, Ryo, I really couldn't."  
  
Dee stood up, growing angry. "Are you happy now that you know that, now that you know how fucked up my life is thanks to you? You made me cry, are you happy yet or do I have to do it in front of you? Are you pleased with how wonderful your life is now that you have that whore attached to your arm." A sob coursed through his body and he sank back into the chair. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said any of that, but it hurts so much!"  
  
"I know it hurts," Ryo rushed to his side, placing his arms around Dee's back. His hand felt around for Dee's face, turning it upwards to look into those emerald eyes now flooded with tears. Without thinking about what he was doing, he planted a kiss on Dee's lips. "I don't want to hurt you." The harsh, pained look in Dee's eyes vanished, replaced by a lost look of longing. Deep in his heart, he knew that it would never work, too much time had passed, too much had changed, but he wanted to believe that it would work.  
  
Dee slipped his hand behind Ryo's head and pulled him in for a kiss. "Don't.......run from me."

* * *

Ok, that is a nice little place to end a chapter, don't you think so? Avoiding getting the story getting taken off ff.net, hiding the fact that I couldn't write a lemon if my life depended on it, and the chapter isn't even short! Ok, maybe that last one is a lie, it is about one page shorter than most of the other chapters, sorry about that. 


	6. Of a land so filled with pride

At least one person mentioned a lemon. Um, sorry, no lemon, but I will give you some pretty description at the beginning! I seriously could not write a lemon to save my life. If I could then screw 's rules, I'd post it anyway! (under a different account)  
  
Ok, someone commented about people reading ahead in my story. I don't normally let people read ahead unless they are helping me. Kitana uno is the BEST beta in the world! She helps me out on everything. I give her chapters weeks before I update so that I have enough time to change the things she wants, entirely rewrite the chapter with a different plot, and then beg her to beta it again. If you don't believe me, ask her about chapter seven

* * *

Ryo lay close to Dee, his arms around him, and looked into two beautiful eyes. He could see his world in those verdant orbs. They were so alive. He moved closer to him, leaving feather soft kisses all the way up Dee's arm before reaching his body. He buried his face into Dee's chest and snaked his arms around Dee's waist.  
  
"Dee, I....um...I enjoyed that." Ryo's face turned bright red. He knew that he should have been able to come up with something more original or at least descriptive than that, but anything else would have caused him to blush harder and he doubted that he could have actually said it.  
  
"So did I, as always." Dee kissed down the stray hairs that reached up to his face from Ryo's soft hair, which looked as though it was glowing. "But it wouldn't have been the same if it were anyone but you, you know that, right?"  
  
"Yes, but..." Ryo hid himself more, pulling away from Dee. He pushed his face into the pillow, hiding soft sobs.  
  
"But what? You can tell me anything, love." Dee stroked Ryo's hair one last time before reaching under his chin and pulling Ryo's face up to meet his.  
  
"I just cheated on Amy!" He did not dare look at Dee, he could already sense the hurt look. He had said the wrong thing, he had not thought of Dee's heart, the pain that he had just been through.  
  
"Oh...that's what's wrong. Don't worry, I'm sure that Amy would take you back, better yet, she doesn't have to know about this, no one does. We can just forget that it ever happened, would that work?" Dee looked up at the ceiling, trying not to think about it too much. He had just finished the most memorable morning of his life, and he had to forget about it so that Ryo couldn't break his heart again. He played it off as something small, unimportant. "Just forget about it and go on with life."  
  
"No, I cant, I wont!" Ryo's voice lost its power, fading into the pillow. "I don't want to. I don't want to just forget about this, I just don't know what else to do. Dee, I cant just leave her, but I...I love you."  
  
"Ryo, you were the one who reminded me that I had not come back here to pick you up, how do you know that I will take you back? Didn't I say that I couldn't take you back if I wanted to, didn't I? Look, I don't know what to think right now so I'm not even going to try. You claim to be straight, but then you decide that maybe you are not. Then you screw me only to talk about how much you love Amy afterwards. I decided that I didn't want you back, but look what I did. I am so screwed up right now, thinking will only make it worse." Dee leaned back over towards Ryo, hovering over top of him. "I don't care what you think, I don't care what I think. Right now, I just need some comfort."  
  
"Dee, I don't think that this is very helpful, you..." Ryo's feeble attempts to talk were silenced by Dee's lips sending forceful kisses. Ryo struggled some under his weight but Dee continued all the same. "Dee! Stop!"  
  
"No Ryo, I cant, not this time." Dee forced himself on Ryo more, holding down the smaller man's flailing arms with his strong hands. He could no longer control his actions, he was back to pouncing on Ryo again, pushing him into situations that he didn't like, misusing his body for Dee's own entertainment. It was only the crying that stopped him.  
  
Dee pulled himself off of the smaller man who immediately curled into a ball. He tried to apologize, but what he had done was inexcusable and he knew it. He knew that it would take an act of god for Ryo to forgive him, and Dee was never too friendly with the man upstairs.  
  
"leave! Get out of my house and don't come back!" Ryo shouted, throwing a pillow at the raven haired man to make his point. "I hate you!"  
  
Amy returned home in the evening to find Ryo crying on the bed, wrapped in sheets and the pillow damp with tears. She dropped everything that was in her hands and ran over to him. "I told you not to come back! I hate you!" Ryo screamed as soon as she touched him.  
  
"Randy, its me, Amy. What happened?" She wormed her hand under his chin and pulled it upwards until she could look in his eyes, they were full of fear. She ran her hand over his cheeks, drying the tears as she went.  
  
"Something happened, I cant tell you anymore than that." Ryo pulled away from her touch, hiding under the white linen. "I don't want to talk about it and I don't think that I could even if I wanted to."  
  
"It's ok." Amy stoked his head with her hand, brushing his hair out of his eyes. "Where is Dee?"  
  
"He left, he went back to New York. We got in a fight and, well, I told him to leave." Ryo pulled away from her, retreating to the other side of the bed. He did not want anyone close to him. He needed to be alone. "Amy, I did something that I shouldn't have, I'm sorry and I will never do it again. I kissed someone else, but it wasn't my idea."  
  
"That's alright, love, I know that you didn't mean it. Relax, everything will be fine."  
  
Dee slammed the door shut, sending echoes through the house. James peeked out from his kitchen before running to Dee's arms. He knew that the man was clearly pissed but he knew no way to calm him down better than with kisses. Although unoriginal, it did work in most situations.  
  
"Keep off." Dee growled when he got close. James froze in place, Dee had never said such a thing to him. If anything, he had complained a few times that James didn't give him as much attention as he would have liked. Dee saw the pained look in his eyes and knew that he had to do something about it. "Look, James, I'm sorry. Its just that this trip was extremely stressful and I got in a fight with someone really important to me."  
  
"More important than me?"  
  
"Yes, more important than you. It wasn't just some friend that I was visiting, it was a former lover, the one before you. I loved him for years, I was going to ask him to move in with me but then he left. He just walked out of my life. Now I find out that he is close to being married to some female version of me and I'm standing there watching him. I still love him, hell, I love him now more than ever. I even slept with him while I was there, but all he thought about was the fact that he was cheating on Amy. I did something inexcusable after that. I didn't hit him, I only did that once with a very good reason and it hurt me so much that I vowed to never do it again no matter what the reason." Dee looked up, realizing who he was venting on. "Oh god! James, I am really sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out like that."  
  
"Get out Dee, get out of my apartment." James opened the door and pointed out. "You can come back when you decide who you love, the man who treated you like shit, or me. I don't want to see you until you know."  
  
Dee looked into his eyes, searching for any hint that James would let him stay, there was none. Dee sighed and walked out of the door. The door slammed behind him, almost smacking into him. "great" he muttered to himself "Now James hates me as well, can't blame him tough. God I just screwed my life up!"  
  
Dee drug himself home, ignoring everything around him. He was almost to his apartment door when he felt something tug on his shirt. It was the little girl from the apartment next to his. He had watched after her when her mother had things to do and they knew each other very well. The little girl, who was about four years old, smiled up at him holding a paper card that she had made herself. Dee opened it up and pretended to read the scribbles inside as though they were actual words.  
  
"That is very sweet, Vivy, but you had better go home, I don't want your mommy to get worried about you." He turned her around and made sure that she went into her apartment. Her friendliness would cause her trouble one day, he knew that much. He sighed, she was such a cute little girl, always knew the way to cheer people up, though she never knew that she had that talent. He looked over the card again. It was construction paper folded in half with a doily glued on the front with just a little too much glue. In the middle of the doily was a misshapen heart, lopsided to say the least. The inside had scribbles, probably a sweet line of childish poetry. Every day was valentines day to her and she would randomly hand out cards to people.  
  
Dee put the card in a drawer with all of the others that she had given him in the two years since he mother had moved in next door to him. Briefly, he looked over the cards, admiring their bright construction paper backgrounds, remembering that each one had scribbles inside where she had "written" a poem for him. One time he had dared to ask what it said. She had only blushed and hid behind her mother's legs. He never asked again.  
  
A loud phone broke Ryo's concentration. He reached over and picked it up, mumbling a greeting. Bikky's voice rang loud and clear into his ears. He explained that spring break was coming up and he had hoped to spend it in New York with Carol and his other friends. They had been able to keep in touch via email and phone calls but it had always been obvious that he missed them.  
  
"Bikky, there is no way that I can afford a hotel room for you. It just isn't possible." Ryo hated breaking the news to him. He knew why it wasn't possible. It was because he was saving up money for the ring, a ring he wasn't sure that he would need anymore.  
  
"Why cant I just stay with Dee?" Bikky had practiced the phone call several times, knowing that Ryo would not let him off of the hook so easily. His friends had helped him think of reasons why it would work and why it would be so much better than spending time at home. "That way I'll get to see my friends and you wont have to worry about something happening to me. I'm sure that he misses you."  
  
"Bikky, something happened, ok. He came up to visit me and we got in a huge fight. I ended up telling him that I hated him and never wanted to see him again. I don't think that he wants to hear from me right now. I'm really sorry that this wont work out, but there is nothing that I can do." On the other end of the line Bikky bit his lip, thinking of any way to make it work. He had not expected this.  
  
"Um...ok. If that wont work, can I spend spring break with a friend of mine? He invited me to his house and I told him that I would ask if the New York thing didn't work out." Bikky looked over at his friends, knowing that it was a lie. There was still once chance, however tiny, that he would be able to go to New York.  
  
"That's alright, just call whenever you get there so that I know you are safe. I have to go get ready for work, I have the afternoon shift."  
  
Bikky heard the sound of a phone hanging up and he quickly hung up as well. He picked it up again and dialed the number for Dee's cell phone. If they weren't talking to one another then the plan might work, if Dee hadn't changed his number anyway.  
  
"Hello, James?" Dee was pleading into the phone hoping to hear the familiar voice.  
  
"No, its Bikky you pervert, and who is James?" Before realizing it, Bikky nearly ruined his chances. "um, I mean hi. Um, spring break is coming up and..."  
  
"You want to know if you can crash here. Does Ryo know about this?" Dee sounded slightly annoyed, though Bikky was not sure why. He decided that it would be better not to ask.  
  
"Yes and no in that order. He thinks that I am spending the break at a friend's house, which isn't really a lie." Bikky crossed his fingers. He knew that there was no reason for Dee to say yes. He was mad at Ryo and he had never been close to Bikky. His only hope was that Dee was still friendly with Carol and would agree for her sake.  
  
"Sure, but you have to get here yourself, I'll pick you up at the airport but I'm not paying for airfare, got it? Oh, and you have to tell Ryo. I don't want him to blame me for this." Dee mumbled his words, glad that he did not have to go into details about the fight, he assumed that Bikky had already heard that they had some sort of argument.  
  
"Thanks! I swear that I wont call you a pervert the entire time that I'm there!"

* * *

ok, this is the end of this chapter. Hope you liked it. Thanks again to my awesome beta! Thanks to all of my reviewers! Thanks to all of my stalkers! (Ok, haven't gotten one of those yet but I'm in the market.) Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we shall die!   
  
NOTE TO ANYONE READING FINDING OUT: my story, although awesome, is finished. There is no tenth chapter, there wasn't even going to be a ninth chapter. Someone mentioned a sequel, you are giving me ideas! That might be next in the works, I have to finish this first. At the moment I am predicting Drowning in the Rain to be about nine or ten chapters long. Possibly an epilog too. 


	7. Withered, withered and died

GAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Runs around room in a frantic search for the right chapter) GAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (holds up a paper, huggles paper) found it!

extreamly sorry about that! It was late when i updated it and you see i was at Otakon recently and i was still sleepy because of that, i supose i shouldnt have made use of so many of those hug me signs it could have made me sick and then that would have only made it worse. (yes, i realize that i am babbeling like an insane idiot but this is what i do when i am frantic.)

so sorry, so sorry, so sorry!!!!!! only my compleat inaptitude (sp?) as a writter could have resulted in this! or my extream lack of attention span, i think that i was telling someone about how i was in a crowded elevater with Pocky Man. either way, the RIGHT chapter is up now. (now they have another reason to kill me...oh no)

Before you read: don't kill me. It gets pretty bad. I was about to kill myself after I read over it (not in a suicidal way, the same way that you will want me dead by the end.)

* * *

"You never told him that you weren't staying at a friend's house, did you?" Dee asked Bikky as he threw his luggage in the back of Dee's car and came around the front to the passenger side and got in.  
  
"You're a friend. Besides, what does it matter, you aren't even talking to him anymore. He said that you got in a fight or something. What did you do anyway? Try to rape him?" Bikky snorted and glanced over at Dee, whose fingers were tightening their grip on the steering wheel.  
  
"That isn't even funny." Dee fought to keep watching the road, not thinking about what he had to do to get his life back on track. He had to apologize to James, even though he did not love him. He had to prove to himself that he was not so easily dismissed. He needed stability, even if it was faked stability.  
  
"You did, didn't you? I knew that I couldn't trust you, you..." Bikky's words stopped as Dee slammed on the breaks, pulling sharply to the side of the road.  
  
"I don't need to have this conversation right now, got it? I have been through too much stress and dealt with too much lately so just lay off, alright? I went through hell with Ryo, ended up getting my heart broken again, and to top it all off now James wont talk to me. I am not in the best of moods right now so just let the conversation drop." Dee sucked in a deep breath and flipped on the radio. The normal crap filled with ideas about how love triumphed over everything belted out of the stereos. "I wish that were true" Dee thought to himself. He searched through several radio stations looking for something focused on something other than the matters of the heart. It was hopeless. Every song dealt with breaking up or getting together with someone. He ended his search by turning off the radio and cursing all of the idiots who wrote music.  
  
The arrived at Dee's apartment on time and they climbed out of the car. Dee gave Bikky the key and the number and told him to go eat whatever was in the fridge, call Ryo, or do whatever he had to do. There was something that Dee had to take care of.  
  
He got back in his car and drove to James's apartment complex, ignoring everyone around him. He climbed the stairs in silence, listening for anything that sounded remotely like James's voice. He could hardly keep himself from running down the hallway before reaching the door.  
  
He was greeted with a type of coldness that he was not used to, he felt compelled to explain himself but unable to do so. He knew that he would not be so quick to warm up to him, but the chilled fire in James's eyes had been unexpected to say the least. "James, I am really sorry and I..."  
  
"Don't even bother. I already asked around town, found a few of your friends. I figured that I had better find out something about your Ryo. I found out more than I had expected to. I found out that you were close to asking him to move in with you before he left you, just got up and left. I also found out that you couldn't even date from then until you found me. After that, I got one little tidbit that sickened me. You don't even love me, you never did. You think that Ryo hurt you? I never want to see you again, I never want to talk to you again, and your damn lucky that I have some restraint or you would have a black eye by now!" James slammed the door and the sound echoed though the halls. Dee dropped the flowers hidden behind his back and walked off. He didn't have the energy to fight.  
  
He drove back to his apartment and collapsed in his bed, numb to everything around him. He had lost everything. Ryo. James. "Oh god." He whispered to the night. A sob wracked his body and a pitiful sound escaped his mouth, muffled by the pillow he clutched to his face. Everything was over, there was no point to it anymore. Even if he had not truly loved James he certainly hadn't hated him. He still had an attachment to him, and now that was gone.  
  
He thought of friends to call. Ted, no. Ted was understanding about his relationships with men but made it very clear that he didn't want to hear about them or witness them. Drake had pulled away from him ever since he had begun going out with JJ. He had no one to talk to, he was alone in an empty house.  
  
"Dee?" A voice called from his door. Dee threw the pillow off of his face and saw a round face framed with blond hair, Carol. He remembered that Bikky had come over to stay and wherever Bikky was found Carol would soon be there. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Everything," Dee began to explain everything to her, not holding back. His pride had taken enough hits, now it had to bleed. He needed someone to know about everything that had happened, someone to understand how he felt, but mostly, he just needed to get everything out of his system. "I'm sorry for taking so long, go spend some time with Bikky, I need to be alone anyway."  
  
Dee sat alone for over an hour, listening to the boring droning of one of Ryo's old CDs. He hadn't liked the music when her first heard it but it had grown on him until he was no longer willing to let it go. In the past, he had played it when he was lonely, now he used it to help him think.  
  
He rolled over in his bed, closer to the phone, and picked it up. He dialed Ryo's phone number. He needed something to keep his mind off of James and telling Ryo about Bikky would provide that. He had the perfect excuse, one that Ryo could see through but it would not be transparent. He listened intently to the many rings before Amy picked up. "Hey, is Ryo there, I need to talk to him."  
  
"He said that he didn't want to talk to you, just what did you do to him?"  
  
Dee turned uncomfortably and took a deep breath. "Tell him that I really need to talk with him and that it has nothing to do with my visit, can you do that for me?"  
  
Ryo's voice soon sounded over the phone, sounding hushed. "What do you want?"  
  
"I thought you should know that Bikky is staying with me for spring break. I told him to tell you but then he didn't so I figured that I would do it myself. Now that we have that out of the way, I just wanted to apologize again. I know that it doesn't matter what I say, but I just thought that I would mention it again." Dee held his breath, hoping that Ryo would not just hang up.  
  
"Thank you for telling me about Bikky and I'm sorry that I said that I hated you. I don't hate you but um, you went a little too far with that. I'm not forgiving you, I'm just saying that I don't hate you. I would still like to spend some time with you, if you want to that is." Ryo bit on his lip, knowing that Dee would take it as more than it was. He was willing to give him another chance but that was all. He knew that he no longer harbored feelings for the man, not after what happened.  
  
"I would take you up on that offer, but I have a better one. How about you come down here and visit. You can come down while Bikky is here that way you get to spend some time with him, some time with me, and then you can also catch up with everyone over here. You are still the precinct idol, you know that right? The chief still talks about you. I swear he wants to adopt you or something!" Dee let out a forced laugh, attempting to lighten the mood.  
  
"Sounds like a good idea, I would like to talk to Drake again, and everyone else. I would also like to meet James. Just swear that you will behave and I'll come." Ryo pleaded into the phone, already knowing that Dee would agree. The only thing he didn't know was if that would actually be the case.  
  
"I swear that I will. Oh, and I'm sorry, you wont be meeting James. Its over. I was stressed out and ended up telling him everything that happened while I was down there. After that, well, he wouldn't believe I word that I said. I went to his apartment to apologize and he slammed the door in my face. Sorry you wont get a chance to meet him, you would have loved him." Dee hid his pain as best he could but a single tear streamed down his face. He took a deep breath, he had to get off of the phone before he cried, he could not let Ryo know about it. "I have to get off, Bikky needs something. Bye."  
  
Ryo sighed. It wasn't as though he didn't want to meet Dee again, he just didn't want to do anything to hurt his relationship with Amy. As it was, he was more unsure of himself than ever. He shook his head to be free of all of the thoughts floating around in his head. He reminded himself that he as saving money to buy Amy a ring, he would soon be engaged to her.  
  
He grabbed his coat and headed out the door. He had saved up enough money, he had some shopping to do. Soon they would be married and they would no longer be the biggest scandal in the neighborhood. He could relax and prepare to spend the rest of his life keeping up with the Jones's next door.  
  
Jewelry store after jewelry store had poor selection and high prices so he continued his search. He eventually found a ring, but it was not the perfect one. The silver band, Amy had always liked silver better, was tarnished. The stone was not as big as he would have liked, and the design was not the one. It was not the perfect design that he had envisioned in his head for years. Still, it would have to do. He brought the ring home and looked it over again. Amy had some silver polish that would make quick work of any tarnish that clung to it, but it would never be the perfect ring.  
  
He decided to ask her two days before he left for the city. He still had a few days to plan the perfect way to ask her. Moonlit on the beach would have been perfect, but there were no beaches around. A fancy restaurant would work, but it was too common, too expensive, and too far away. He settled on a romantic night at home, disappointed. Disappointment had become a large part of his life.  
  
Ryo added the final touches to the beautiful meal that he had cooked while Amy's friends kept her out of the house. He had already given them the cell phone call that was the signal that he was ready for her. He knew the plan.  
  
They would take her out for a nice evening, girls night out. They would buy her a new dress and insist to buy it for her as a group present, Ryo had given them the money. After buying the dress they would continue to shop around the mall until the call was made. Amy's friend would make the excuse that her husband called and their two year old was sick and they needed to go home. The girl who drove would take her to her own house and get her ready to stun Ryo with the new dress. After she was dressed up they would head off to Amy's house.  
  
Ryo heard a car drive off and he knew it was time to finish the final touches. He stood next to the table with a bottle of wine in one hand and two glasses in the other. He was dressed in his best clothes, Amy had been with him when he bought them.  
  
Amy opened the door to find a silk ribbon laying on the floor, leading to the kitchen. Dark rose petals were scattered around it, sparking her interest. She followed them into the kitchen which was lit only by two candles burning above a table full of food. Her eyes traveled around the table, the fine china, the polished silverware, the meals cooked to perfection, before moving up to see Ryo holding the red wine. He smiled and handed her a glass of wine.  
  
"Before this night goes any further, I just want to ask you something." Ryo went down on bended knee and took her hands in his own, handing her the box. She opened up the lid and looked down at the beautiful ring. "Will you marry me?"  
  
"Randy, I don't know what to say except yes!"

* * *

AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (runs and hides!!!!!!) DON'T KILL ME!!!!!! THIS IS NOT THE END! I REPEAT! NOT THE END!!!!!! (dodges several objects, many of which are extremely sharp) PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!!! (makes use of the rubber shelter. Several objects bounce off the side) um, I'll post soon and everything will be cleared up. and this time i'll even post the right chapter too! so please dont kill me. if you do then i will never get a chance to perfect my Haru costume (note to others at Otakon-if you saw a Haru without a coat, that was me. if you kill me then i can never acheive my dreams of doing a decent cosplay) 


	8. Awake, awake!

well, as usual, i have an excuse for not updating in so long! (waits for the eye rolls to stop) but this time i mean it! updates with the site scare me into not updating my stories because there are ALWAYS bugs at first. see, i have a reason! hey, stop laughing, it is a good reason for once! Would you prefer that i blame it on my vacation from hell (second one in a row!) that ended weeks ago? why am i arguing with you? i cant even talk to you! which reminds me, if you want to talk IM me. its in my bio if you look

* * *

Ryo pulled up at Dee's apartment and took out one duffle bag, deciding to leave the rest of his things in there until he was certain that he was staying. He had reminded himself several times what had to be done. He had to tell Dee that it was entirely over, that there was no chance of them being together. He hardly believed it himself, but he had to be able to convince Dee. Although he did not like it, he thought that it was best for the both of them.

Dee heard Ryo knocking and opened the door, not sure how things would play out. He smiled and moved to allow him in, slipping his hand down to take Ryo's bag. Their fingers touched and an electric shock ran through the two of them. They froze, unsure of what was going on. Dee laughed and removed his hand, hoping that he had done nothing wrong.

"Thank you so much for coming here. I hope you know that this isn't some cheep ploy to get you to come back to me. Is there anything that you want to drink?" Dee headed into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. "I have water, coke, sprite, and some root beer but no actual beer, Ted drank it all last night."

"Water is fine, and I know that this isn't a ploy, but neither was your visit to me and look how that turned out." Ryo let out a nervous laugh, sitting down on the couch. He had noticed that his apartment was clean and knew better than to think that it was naturally this way.

Dee walked back into the room and handed Ryo his glass of water, taking a sip out of his own drink, and sat down on the couch. "Just so you know, I do want to have some sort of long, in depth conversation with you while your hear, you know, straighten everything out, but I don't want to have it until you are ready."

"Why don't we get it out of the way now, you start first." Ryo bit his lip. He knew that it would be better to get everything out in the open before things went wrong. He knew that if they had talked like this at the beginning of Dee's stay at his house things could have gone much better. He was not willing to make the same mistake twice.

"Ryo, I love you more than anything else. I constantly get the impression that you love me. Tell me what is going on." Dee took a sip of his drink before setting it down on the table to look at Ryo.

"That's because I do, but I cant take it. I worried about you constantly, and about me. I think that I loved you too much. It scares me, I feel like I'm drowning." Ryo looked into Dee's eyes, not knowing what he could do.

"Believe it or not, I actually know what your talking about, except that I kinda like the feeling. I suppose that you like to be more in control, right?" Dee put his left hand on Ryo's arm and stroked it gently.

"I suppose so. It is the same feeling that kept me from going out with you for so long. But I learned to ignore it before, enjoy my time with you and not think about tomorrow. I would like to do that again." Ryo moved closer to Dee. "I have to stay there for at least a little longer, but I don't want to think about tomorrow right now."

"You're just lucky that Bikky isn't home." Dee cupped Ryo's face with his hand and drew him in for a kiss.

Amy yawned and sat down on the bed she shared with Randy (1). It hurt some that he had gone to visit Dee so soon after asking her to marry him, but she was also relieved. It gave her time to decide on the wedding ceremony. Ryo had already told her that she was free to plan the entire thing, he knew that she wanted to. She had forgotten to ask how much money his parents were willing to spend. She thought that it was a little odd how he never talked about them, she didn't even know their names.

She knew that she could hardly plan a wedding without knowing her budget, she had to find out. She had already tried calling Ryo, he hadn't answered. He had probably just gone out somewhere and left his cell phone. He had done it before, it was nothing new. She didn't know Dee's phone number, she had no way of talking to him.

A wild spark came over her. She remembered the shoe box, the one with the memories. There were pictures of Dee, perhaps there was a phone number on the back of one of the pictures. She drew it out from under the bed and began looking through the pictures again, curious about more than just a phone number. She wanted to know everything about his past and now had a reason to snoop. If she was getting married to him she deserved to know about his past girlfriends.

The first few pictures were ones that she had already seen, ones of Drake, JJ, and Ted. Then she found one that worried her. Ryo was sleeping on the floor next to a girl. They didn't look like they had been doing much other than watching some late night TV but it was still suspicious. She flipped the photo over and was relieved at the writing on the back. "Thank you so much for helping me after that fight with my Aunt, your future daughter in law (hopefully!), Carol." It turned out to be purely innocent, just as she had hoped, though it made her jealous to even think of someone touching her Ryo.

She searched the back of all of the photos for any phone numbers that might be Dee's or any trace of a girlfriend, she found none of either. Her eyes fell on a black pouch. She knew that Ryo had been extremely protective of it. There was reason to suspect that she would find links to past girlfriends, though it was also connected to Dee. The odd links only increased her curiosity and she opened it up to look at what was inside.

The first photograph was one of Ryo laying on a bed, hair tangled and a satisfied look on his face. Though it hurt to realize that someone else had caused that look, it also gave her a new theory about the pouch, though unlikely. There would be no reason for him to carry around erotic pictures of himself, unless he had demanded to have them back after he broke up with a girlfriend. "I suppose that I wont see anything this angelic after you are gone. Your face is my favorite thing to see in the morning." The message on the back read. Anger flared up, but she calmed it. She was planning on learning about his past lovers without getting mad. He was hers now and that was what mattered.

She put that picture down and moved on to the next one. Dee was standing behind Ryo, his arms wrapped around him, their faces touching, there was no message on the back. She rationalized it out. The black pouch had pictures of people that he had gotten into fights with. He had gotten in a fight with Dee, taken out everything that Dee had put in the pouch, and given it a new use.

The next picture was not so easily dismissed. Dee was laying on the couch with Ryo curled up half next to him and half on top of him. Their shirts were unbuttoned, flaring out around them, their hair was ruffled, and wide smiles graced their sleeping faces. "I have no idea who took this picture but hell, I'm not complaining!" her heart stopped. There had been something between them, something more than friendship.

She starting looking through other pictures, looking for something saying that it was a joke. She could find no such thing. The one that hurt worst of all was one of them kissing. "I knew that buying a timed camera would come in useful! I love you." It was a different handwriting than before, it was Ryo's. There was writing below that message as well. "I want you to have this photo back. I did make another copy of it, thank you digital photography! It means more to me than you will ever know. I love you now and forever, Dee"

She starting going through the other ones faster. Each new photograph hurt more than the last. After going through all of them she took out her own photo album, looking over her memories with him. He was faking smiles in so many of them, sometimes he would be looking off into the distance. She compared them to the ones with Dee. His attention was always on Dee, he always held him close.

She threw the pictures down in tears. It seemed so obvious now that she knew the truth. The fear of calling Dee, him thinking that it was for the best that she wouldn't be there when he came over. It stung worse when she thought of everything else that had happened, she knew why he had been lying in bed when she came home. Looking back, she realized that it had not started when Dee came to visit. She had watched him have dreams, he was not exactly quiet about them, but when he woke up he would want nothing to do with her. Now she knew why, he wasn't dreaming about her.

She tried to hold back her tears but they would not subside. She looked down at the bed she was curled up on and was disgusted by it. She stood up, she couldn't stand to look at that bed any longer. Everything in her life had come crashing down around her. She had thought that he loved her and no one else. Now he was in the city, visiting the man he loved.

She reached up to wipe a tear away and the ring brushed her face. She looked at it for only a moment before throwing it across the room. She didn't want his love, not if it wasn't true, and she could never marry someone who didn't love her. Everything had been so perfect, she should have known that something would happen. She knew what she had to do.

* * *

Tried to score Amy a few pity points there, did it work? i know that she is byond help, but at least i tried.


	9. Awake, awake my soul and sing

hello, remember me? yeah, i have an excuse again! I wanted to update last weekend but something happened, i went on (another) trip which turned into another vacation from hell. I need to find a better way to relax. Our hotel had a bar next to it so i was woken up three times by people screaming at each other (every other word was F)and a fourth time by dogs barking. there was puke in the parking lot (i'm scared of sickness!!! I was afraid to leave my hotel room!!!) but on the upside i got to jump on a water trampoline so it evened out in the end (except that i didnt have a swim suit so i got my I love Yaoi shirt wet) so there is my excuse!

I Dont remember if this matches up with everything in my story, i have re-edited it so many times. Yeah, Ryo's fist line makes this sound like a retarded soap opera but hopefully you will have forgotten about that by the end of the chapter.

* * *

Dee smiled and rolled off of Ryo, landing on a tangle of sheets next to him. "So, you are serious about coming back during the weekends. I'll go crazy if you don't." Dee ran his fingers through Ryo's hair, kissing his forehead.

"Dee, I asked Amy to marry me." Ryo bit his lip and looked down at the bed, tears in his eyes. He just could not hold it in any longer. "I don't know why I did it, it was stupid, I know."

"Get out." Dee let out a slow and steady growl "Get out of my apartment, now or I will not be responsible for what I do."

"I understand. I will love you forever, I just want you to know that." He got out of bed, body wrapped in a sheet, and began looking for his clothes.

"Good bye." Dee said, the growling tone gone.

Ryo's memory flashed back to the day he had left before. He had asked Dee to never say good bye to him. He knew that it meant, it was over. He sighed and grabbing his clothes, heading for the shower. He cleaned himself up and headed out the door.

He did not think the entire time that he drove to his house. Mindless songs played on the radio but he did not hear them. He did not see the young couples walking hand in hand down the street. He noticed the houses though, each one with a perfect picket fence, a golden retriever in the yard, maybe small children playing on the swing set put up in the back yard. Were their lives just as empty? The walls of the houses echoed with unspoken tales, abuse, alcoholics, rape, affairs, but the outside remained unaffected. They all appeared to be living the perfect life.

One tear fell across his face. That was the life he was submitting himself to. Now he could see that their lives were not as wonderful as they appeared. He realized that there were bodies impaled on their beloved fences. The great American dream...it was little more than a lie.

He pulled into the driveway, numb all over. Someone might have said hello to him, it was the neighborly thing to do, say hello no matter how much you hated someone. He didn't respond, he just walked to the door and went inside. He could hide in there, just like everyone else. He could hide his fear, his pain, retreat into the shell he had formed.

"Amy! I'm back!" He put a fake smile on his face, he had to appear happy. He reminded himself that he was now Randy, the suburban man who loved his wife. "Amy!" No response came. He walked farther into the house, deeply confused. She had sworn to be home when he got back, ready to welcome him back and discuss wedding plans. Figuring that she was taking a nap, he headed towards the bedroom.

He knocked on the door, calling out her name once more. When no one answered he opened it slowly as not to wake her. No one was in there. he spotted something on the bed and went closer to investigate.

It was a note in her handwriting, tears splattered over the entire paper, blurring the ink. "Go home Ryo." Next to the paper was five hundred dollars, the ring he had given her, and photographs of him and Dee.

He couldn't breath. He knew that she had been able to put the pieces together after she found the photographs. She knew why he had left to visit him, surly. A wide smile came over his face. He was free.

He grabbed his clothes and threw them in a suitcase, he took everything that he would need and packed it in the car. He was ready to joyously drive away when the remorse hit him. She had loved him just as much as Dee had. He got out of the car and went back inside. He found a piece of paper and wrote her a letter, she deserved an explanation, just as Dee had.

_Amy,_

_Never doubt that I cared you. I'm sorry that I never told you about Dee, I didn't think that you would understand. When I invited him up I had no idea that this would happen. I ended up falling in love with him, I suppose I never got over him. I'm sorry that this had to happen but it is for the best. It would not be fair to either of us if we married. If you ever need any help, remember me. I will always be here for you._

_Your friend,_

_Ryo_

Satisfied with his note, he began to roll it up until it was thin enough to fit through the ring. He placed it back on the bed and looked down at it. She would be hurt, she would never talk to him again, but he had tried his best.

He went back to the car and drove off, back to New York, back to Dee.

* * *

IMPORTANT: this gives extra meaning to the note, Amy always called him Randy.


	10. The time for praise has come

Hello, this is Bikky. I just wanted everyone to know that I have not dropped off of the face of the earth despite how it seemed last chapter. Sadly, I was not able to make it into that chapter and I would be back in school by the time of this chapter. I know, life sucks when I'm not around. And contrary to popular belief (promoted by the fact that I'm not in ANY of her stories) Storm Elf does love me, she just seems to forget about me because she is an idiot and as you can see, she cant make me sound in character and she thinks that not having me is better than having me out of character, not that it keeps her from having Dee and Ryo in her fics!

* * *

Dee laid on the couch, only half listening to the broadcast. Tiny sparkles of tears were in his eyes, but he could not bring himself to cry. He had canceled his plans for the night. Drake and JJ were going to take him out, try to get him to meet new people in hopes of sparking a love interest.

A knock on the door brought him back from his dreamlike state. He opened the door to find Ryo standing there, soaking wet with the rain that Dee did not know was coming down. At once he wanted to take him in but he also wanted to shut him out. Dee still loved him, but Ryo had done too much.

"What's wrong? Finally realize that you need me or did the bitch throw you out?" Dee asked, sneering the word "bitch."

Ryo looked down at his shoes, biting his bottom lip. He didn't know how to respond.

"I knew it wasn't the first one. Here is Drake and JJ's new address, go stay with them." Dee pushed a piece of paper in Ryo's hand and closed the door.

Ryo stood in the hall for a moment before falling to the ground, collapsing in tears that he had held back for so long. He held the paper up to look at it. It wasn't very far, he could walk there. He tried to fight back his tears again, to get control over his body.

He used the walls to help him stand, he could not do it on his own, crying as he was. He made his way slowly down the halls and stairs before reaching the street level. Once there, the cold rain washed the tears out of his eyes. He looked around and everywhere he looked he could find nothing but truth. It was not the gentle suburbs where everyone played nice. Here, if you hated someone you let them know. If you were abusive, your neighbors knew. They knew who did drugs, who didn't. No one hid behind picket fences, they left themselves exposed, not afraid to tell the world who they were. They were New Yorkers and damn proud of it.

He reminded himself that he was one of them, one of the tougher ones too. He was a cop, a detective. He tracked down murderers, he found the druggies and the abusers. He did not turn the other cheek like some wimpy suburb cop, not here. He was stronger than his neighbors in the suburb who would die if they were gossiped about. He didn't need some hollow dream to chase, he had love.

He chose to ignore the fact that love had just gotten him tossed out on the street twice in one day.

He made his way to Drake and JJ's apartment with a renewed purpose. He was reborn, in his eyes, and was better for it. True, he had had his pedestal kicked out from under him, he had been dragged through the mud, but now he had gotten back on his feet, dusted off that dirt, and was ready to start again. He had left Amy, that was the first step. Sure, Amy may have been the one doing the leaving, but no one needed to know that. He would say that on the way home, he realized just how important Dee was. When he got home, he broke off the engagement and rushed to Dee's apartment. It was close to the truth. It very well could have happened if Amy had been there when he got home.

It was Drake who opened the door. He took one look and Ryo and dragged him in. He knew that he didn't look too good, but he hadn't predicted such a strong reaction. Drake pushed him down into a chair and yelled for JJ to get a cup of tea while he found a towel.

"You look like a half drown rat, what happened?" Drake asked as soon as he had gotten a towel and pulled a blanket off of the back of the couch. He wrapped Ryo up in the blanket and began to dry his hair with the towel.

"Dee..." Ryo could not explain the situation, the words wouldn't come. He broke into tears again. It embarrassed him, but he couldn't help him.

"Get Dee on the phone, find out what happened." Drake snapped at JJ, who had already passed off the tea.

JJ did as he was told and after a minute he called for Drake to come into the kitchen. Ryo knew that they were talking about him. He pulled his legs up and threw his arms around them, hugging them close in an attempt to stop the tears where they were. All of the confidence he had gained during the walk over was gone.

"Ryo," JJ whispered, startling Ryo. He had not known that they were back in the room. He knew what would happen. Now that they knew how bad he had treated Dee they would ask him to leave. He didn't deserve to be in their company. Ryo was about to get up, figuring that it was better to leave than be thrown out, when he felt arms around him. He opened his eyes to find that he was trapped in a JJ hug.

"We went through the same thing" Drake explained. "Even after I knew that I loved JJ I still tried to date girls because I was afraid of being gay. It was a stupid fear, but it still scared me. Dee still loves you, he just has to cool down."

"Um, Drake," JJ whispered "Um, he is kinda headed over here."

"What?" Ryo screamed, standing up and knocking the blanket and JJ on the floor. "Why?"

"When I called him I said 'What the hell did you do to Ryo? He came over here looking like he has been through hell' he demanded a better description so I told him that you were crying so hard that you couldn't even tell us what happened. He gave me a quick run down and said that he was coming over." JJ bit his lip, not sure if what he had done was good or bad.

Ryo sat back down. He had managed to fight the tears from his eyes, he was in control again. Drake picked up the blanket and pulled Ryo to his feet.

"Come on, we cant have him see you like this. Go take a shower, you can borrow JJ's pajamas, he is about the same size as you. When Dee comes over we will talk to him first, make sure that he is here to help." Drake pulled on Ryo's arm, guiding him to their bathroom. Making sure that Ryo didn't see, he grabbed the razors and put them in his pocket. After working on suicide cases, he knew better than to leave any depressed person alone with anything sharp. He didn't think that Ryo would try anything, but that was also what most of the families said when they were being interviewed.

"Drake, could you call Bikky, let him know at least some of the things that have happened. His number is programmed into my cell phone. I think I dropped it in your living room. But don't tell him everything."

"Sure thing," Drake said with a forced smile. "Just take your shower and don't worry about a thing. Use JJ's shampoo," Drake pointed to a bottle that had JJ's name written on a piece of masking tape. "Mine is strange, it dries out everyone else's hair. You could still use it if you wanted to, but you would be sorry if you did."

Drake walked out carrying Ryo's cell phone, which had been in his pocket, not on the living room floor. He found Bikky's number and called him, hoping that he answered.

"Dad?" said a voice that Drake instantly recognized as Bikky.

"Nope, its Drake. Your dad is going through some tough shit right now. I haven't been able to get the whole story, but he is not living with Amy anymore. He is at my apartment right now cleaning himself up. He is a bit of a mess."

"But why is he at your apartment, shouldn't he be with Dee?" Bikky's heart skipped a beat, they had been getting along very well when he had last seen them.

"He went there but Dee didn't want to take him back. That might change though, Dee is headed over here. Keep some of your things packed, you might have to come home if this is as serous as I think it is. Could you tell me who I would have to call to get you sent home?" Drake pulled out a pen and paper and wrote down everything that Bikky said, including a message for Ryo. "Alright, thanks. Don't worry about this more than you have to, I'm sure that everything will work out."

"How did it go?" JJ asked.

"Pretty well. I think that he is a little in shock right now." Drake sat down on the couch, trying to relax. JJ climbed in his lap, putting his arms around his partner.

"Drake, are you alright?" JJ asked, placing a kiss on Drake's forehead

"I'll be fine, its just reminding me of how much I screwed up." Drake reciprocated the hug and the kiss before he heard a pounding on the door.

Before the pair of them could get up, the door opened and Dee stormed in, looking around for Ryo.

"He is taking a shower right now," Drake explained. "And I took the razors out of the bathroom."

"That bad?" Dee asked, his eyes widening.

"Probably not, but it is better safe than sorry. He was pretty shaken up about everything. If you think about it, there were two things he always thought that he could count on and now they are both gone, the biggest thing being your love."

"He doesn't deserve it anymore." Dee hissed, causing JJ and Drake to jump.

JJ pushed Drake, who was between him and Dee, out of the way and stood toe to toe with Dee, looking him right in the eye. With their noses only an inch away from touching, he began to scream at him.

"Did you come over here to help because you were worried about him or did you just want to make things worse? I know that you care about him, otherwise you wouldn't be here, would you? You just don't want to get hurt again, you want him but your too afraid of what he will do."

Dee backed away and fell into the chair that Ryo had been sitting in but JJ continued to advance, yelling all the time. He had Dee thoroughly frightened when Drake pulled JJ back. Neither of them had ever seen JJ like that and it frightened both of them.

"JJ, calm down," Drake whispered, rubbing his arms to try to get him to relax. When that did not work, he hugged him, rocking from side to side as though he was baby. "JJ, you aren't helping anything."

"Why is he doing this?" JJ asked, burying his face in Drake's chest.

"I don't know, but it will be alright, everything will turn out ok." Drake slipped his finger under JJ's chin and tilted his head up enough to look into his eyes, they were brimming with tears. Drake knew what was wrong. Dee was acting the same way that JJ had after Drake had cheated on him with a girl. It was bringing back bad memories. "Why don't you go lay down for a little bit, I'll handle everything."

"Alright" JJ muttered and pulled himself out of Drake's arms. Going down the hallway, he passed by Ryo, who was out of the shower. He was sitting on the floor with his knees pulled up around his chest. "How long have you been out?"

"Since he came." Ryo whispered.

"He doesn't mean what he's saying. I have been where he was, that's why I yelled at him. If he didn't love you, he would not even be here. I know that you don't believe me, but it is the truth." JJ dropped to his knees and put his arm on Ryo's back.

"Dee, I know that you are pissed, but this is not helping." Drake said from the other room. "Ryo is really messed up right now, he needs comfort. After he has gotten over the fact that he isn't with Amy anymore, then work this out."

"No!" Dee yelled, causing Ryo to wince in JJ's arms. "Screw him, he is the one who got himself in this mess!"

"Ryo," JJ whispered, getting to his feet. "Why don't you come with me."

"I don't want to go in there." He said, ignoring the hand that JJ had extended to help him to his feet.

"That's fine because I'm not going in there. I'm going into my room, you cant hear anything from in there." JJ smiled, keeping his hand extended. "I'll tell you a story, it might make you feel better."

"Alright, if it will help." Ryo took JJ's hand and stood up, almost falling down as the blood rushed to his head, making him dizzy.

"But first, I have to stop in the kitchen, you need something to eat." JJ took him to the room that he shared with Drake and instructed him to lay on their bed.

After making sure that Ryo would not leave, he walked out. When he passed through the living room he gave Drake a look. Drake seemed to understand what it meant and went back to calming Dee.

In the kitchen, JJ went to work trying to remember his high school cooking class. He regretted his attempts to forget everything from that class, he had hated the teacher with a passion that rivaled his former love of Dee.

"Fats, I think that's what he needs," He murmured. "and chocolate. I knew I should have taken notes on comfort foods. I remember chocolate, but I cant think of anything else. Maybe I should have paid attention, no, that would have confused me more." He shuttered at memories of how the teacher taught the class. One specific memory came to mind. "Now, when it is humid, you should add less flour to the dough. It is pretty humid out so you will need the maximum amount of flour..." (1)

He knew that he was only thinking of his teacher was only a way to avoid thinking about the situation at hand. He settled on a choice of hot chocolate and yellow cake with chocolate icing that was left over from Drake's birthday party. It had enough chocolate in it to help, but not so much that Ryo would catch onto his plans. He also knew that warm milk was comforting, especially if it was whole milk, which was all that Drake would drink. Most times, JJ complained because it wasn't as healthy as the watery skim milk that he drank, but in this case, it was perfect.

He put everything on a tray and carried it out of the kitchen. Drake glanced at him as he passed through the living room. If he hadn't known what was going on after his first pass through, he knew now.

"Ryo, I'm back. Could you open the door, my hands are full." JJ knocked on the door as best he could, using his foot instead of his hand.

The door swung open and JJ stepped in before it was closed behind him. He motioned for Ryo to go back to the bed and told him to pull the covers down. It was only once Ryo was propped up with pillows and covered up with the most comfortable blanket JJ had ever found that JJ put the tray over his lap.

"Eat up, I don't want to carry anything back other than dirty dishes, understood? Oh, I almost forgot to ask if you had a Tylenol, crying always gives me a headache and I don't know if it is just me or not." JJ sat on the bed next to him, careful no to knock the tray over. "Do you want to tell me what happened? I only heard Dee's side of it."

"When I came back to visit him, I knew that I loved him, I don't want to be without him ever again!" Ryo said a little too loudly. Realizing this, he took a sip of the hot chocolate and a deep breath. "I mean, after visiting him I realized that I loved him but it was too late. I had asked Amy to marry me. I don't know why I did it, it was stupid. But she found out about Dee and she left me, actually she told me to go home. I did, but then Dee threw me out."

"Do you want to know what he is going through?" JJ asked, careful to keep his voice neutral. Before now, he had not been mad with Ryo. He had thought that his story would prove that it was not his fault, that Dee had been over exaggerating the truth. Now he was pissed. "He loved you with his whole heart, you meant the world to him and then you just walked off. Worse yet, you recovered so quickly, he thought that you had never loved him. Then when he sees you, you run right back to him. He gets his hopes up, his love for you is renewed, then you go back to her. From what I have heard, it happened twice. He just doesn't want it to happen again."

"I know, but it wont!"

"That's what he thought last time!" JJ yelled back, not able to keep his temper in check. It was too much like what Drake had done. He took three deep breaths to control his temper. He reminded himself that the last thing Ryo needed was someone yelling at him. "ok, sorry, I'm better now. Sometime while you were away, Drake started cheating on me with some girl. He broke up with me for her and it was only after that that I learned about what they had done while he was still with me. I felt exactly like Dee feels right now, that I was just his sex toy, that the man I loved had no love for me. You need to talk to Drake about what he went through, I cant tell you the rest, not well enough anyway. Just know that it did work out."

"JJ." A knock on the door broke the soft conversation inside. "Can I come in?"

"Sure, we were just talking about you, but first, can I talk with you in the hall?" JJ opened the door to reveal Drake standing their, one of his shoulder's soaked.

"I just need a new shirt." Drake argued, trying to brush past JJ, who quickly moved to block him.

"You might need a new shirt, but I need you." The smaller of the two said through clenched teeth. Drake nodded and stepped back so that JJ could get into the hall and close the door behind him.

"Drake." JJ bit his lip and looked into his partner's eyes. He didn't have to say anything else, Drake scooped him up in his arms and hugged him close. JJ told Drake Ryo's side of the story and said that he couldn't help him any more.

"I know, baby, but it will be alright. If you go out there with Dee then I'll take care of him. You should have come out here before." Drake kissed JJ's forehead while he stroked his back slowly. "I love you, never forget that."

"I love you too." JJ whispered as he pulled from the embrace. "I had better go talk to Dee."

* * *

(1) This is an almost exact quote (there was a little that she said in-between) she is an idiot, I hate her!!!! GAH! ...sorry, she is one of the four or five teachers that I have come across that never should be in charge of the education of others.

OK peoples: I made this chapter extra long as a way to try to make up for that short chapter. The reason that last chapter was so sort was because it was an attempt to avoid a mean cliff hanger. Would you prefer that it ended with Dee closing the door on Ryo? See, I'm not all that mean! The reason for the Drake/JJ thing, I figured that someone's relationship had better be a good one! Do you like it or wish that they would go to hell? (not that it is going to change anything, I need them for a little longer.) sorry for making them so lovey dovey but knowing JJ...yeah, he is rather codependent.

YAY! I remembered Bikky, I think he is happy now. (Bikky: fuck you!) or not...

so anyway, there is one chapter left and an epilog. dun dun dun!


	11. The silence of the night has passed,

GAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (gahhh of happyness) I have my baby back!!!! my laptop, my dear laptop! I'm sorry for not updating for so long, my laptop had a fight with AOL and refused to get online. oh, and go read "I'm Finding My Way Home" I created that story only to make announcments about this one, the least you can do is read it! (and yes, it will be updated still, mostly because i like the name)

* * *

"Nothing that you say is going to help." Ryo said as soon as Drake walked in the door. "JJ told me how Dee feels and I already realize that I love him." 

"Yeah, but that's not what I'm here about. I'm just here because JJ wanted to talk to Dee and he figured that you could use someone to talk to, even if it has nothing to do with the fight." Drake twisted the facts to comfort his friend. He wasn't as good at dealing with people as JJ was. That was why whenever they went for the good cop/bad cop angel JJ was always the good cop.

"How mad is he?" Ryo had to ask even though he was not sure that he wanted to hear the answer.

"He isn't mad at all right now, just kinda upset. JJ's going to talk to him for a little bit and then we are going to see about taking you in there so that you to can kiss and make up, or out, whichever you like." Drake let out a small laugh and pulled his shirt over his head. He pulled another shirt out of a drawer and put it on. "So, how do I look?" He asked with a laugh.

"Just fine." Ryo cracked a smile.

"JJ picked it out, I think it looks like crap, but he likes it so I'll believe him. Look around my apartment, it looks like the Fab Five paid a visit! JJ's cousin is an interior designer, he says that he didn't do anything other than follow her advice, but I know him better than that. I cant remember the last time that he did something just because someone told him to. Have you ever seen that show? Those guys annoy the hell out of me but JJ loves them so I watch it a lot." 'great, just keep yapping, I'm sure this really helps' he thought to himself.

"Drake, what kind of changes were there after you, you know." Ryo couldn't look at him when he asked.

"When I came out? Not a whole lot. My dad was a little pissed and my mom was disappointed that I wouldn't be giving her any grandchildren, but not much other than that. My sister thought that it was cute, god, you should have been there when she met JJ." Drake couldn't suppress a laugh. "She had to drag him around to show off to her friends. And her little girl, she is only five, she attached herself to his leg and would not let go. It was scary when I first went to tell them, and all of my old friends."

"How did they react?" Ryo was able to watch him now. The pride that Drake showed when he was talking about JJ had captivated him.

"Most of them were cool with it, one made fun of his hair and called him a midget. The next day he came out as well, but only to me. He said that he had been scared to tell anyone before, didn't know how everyone would take it. Two of them were jerks about it, but they were idiots anyway. All of the ones who were married, their wives loved him. Its lucky for me that he isn't bi, with all of these girls chasing after him and all."

They continued to talk about how people had reacted until Ryo was convinced that no one of any importance had hated him for it. They went over the reactions of all of his ex girlfriends, how they felt bad because they thought that it was their "fault" that Drake wasn't interested in girls. Then they met JJ and they decided that Drake was lucky. "I swear, the instant that a girl learns a guy is gay, they fall in love with him! I will never understand it! I am twice as popular with the ladies now!"

"Drake, two times zero is still zero." Ryo let out the first true laugh in years.

"Who asked you anyway? The point is, no one really gives a damn as long as you avoid churches and republican conventions, those are the only places you run into trouble.. If you were just trying to be straight, give it up. I can tell you from experience that it does not work, and if you think it does then you are only lying to yourself. It doesn't matter what people think anyway. One guy gave me a hard time, all I had to do was remind him that harassment is against the law and he shut up. Then again, I also had to remind him that I was a cop, he is a little slow on the uptake."

"Drake," JJ poked his head into the room. "Short conversation in the hall?"

"Sure thing," Drake stood up and left the room, glancing back at Ryo. "I think I know what this is about."

"Dee says that he wants to talk to him," JJ said the moment the door closed.

"That's great!" Drake said, taking JJ's hands in his own. "not great?" he asked when he saw that JJ wasn't rejoicing.

"I don't know how things are going to go. I mean he sounded like he was calmed down, but I don't know. Ryo is already pretty beat up over the whole thing." JJ searched his partner's face to see if he understood what he was trying to say.

"It is now or never, we have to get them together, buddy, cant go on like this forever. I'll go see if Ryo is up to it." Drake went inside for a moment leaving JJ in the hall to wonder what would happen. When he appeared he had Ryo following him

Ryo walked into the living room alone. Drake and JJ had gone into their bedroom and said that they would not come out until told to do so. "so you had better not leave without telling us!" JJ had reminded him.

"Dee," Ryo whispered under his breath. His partner was sitting on the couch, his head held up by his hands and his elbows resting on his knees. His hair was tussled and his clothes were wrinkled as though he had been laying down.

"Randy." Dee said, standing up and trying to fix his clothes as best he could.

"Please, call me Ryo." The chestnut haired mansat down on the couch next to his partner. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for lying to you, for ever doubting your love, but mostly for leaving you in the first place."

"I have every reason in the world to just say 'fuck you' and never talk to you again." Dee's eyes flash a dangerous green. Ryo pulled away some, afraid of Dee's temper. "You just ran out on me, you damn near got married, you played with my heart, the list just goes on and on."

"You have to beleive that if I could take back all of that, i would."

"How many times have i heard that?" Dee lunged at him like a dog on a chain. "Your just lucky that Drake spent so much of his time out here calming me down." Silence overtook the room. They both just looked at each other, unsure of what to do next.

"I know." Ryo finally said. "And if I were you, i would never want to talk to me again. I'm sorry I came by, I'll just be going now." Ryo stood up from the couch and headed toward the door. He had his hand on the doorknob when he heard Dee's voice.

"I can neverforgive you for what you did, but i can give you one more chance."

"Well, how is it going?" JJ asked, poking Drake in the ribs.

"Shh, I cant hear! ...Oh my god!" Drake pulled his head back in the bedroom and closed the door. "Our poor inoccent couch!"

* * *

Welp, thats pretty much it for the main story. Sorry that there it eludes to them screwing eachother at the end (and several points along the way) but nothing is written about. I swear that if my writting skills ever improve to the point that i can write lemons, i will get an account on and redo this story!

Anyway, enough ranting. It is my attempt to take up more space so that you wont realize how f-ing short this chapter is! Why wont you be longer?!?!?! Oh, before I forget ONE MORE CHAPTER TO GO (an epilog )


	12. A New Day Has Begun

Since it is the end of my favorite story, allow me a little bit of time to talk about it.

Well, I suppose that people liked this story. My goal was to write a story that people would enjoy, as it is with every story that I write. I hope that I have achieved that goal.

I do already have another story idea, apart from "I'm Finding My Way Home," sequel to "Finding Out." It is called "Retribution" but I am having a lot of trouble with it and I would greatly appreciate it if someone would help me with a (god, I don't know how to ask this, I had better just come out and say it) I need someone to either help me write a lime or write one for me. Credit will be given, I would never claim someone's writing as my own. If you can help, either email me or IM me, I will love you forever.

* * *

"I cant believe it is really here already." Ryo whispered, his eyes brimming with tears that threatened to run down his face. 

"I know, but here we are, and more importantly, there they are." Dee put his arm around Ryo's shoulders, holding the smaller man close.

"I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride." The preacher said before closing his book. Bikky leaned forward and gave Carol a soft kiss on the lips, a minor prelude to what would come later. They received a standing ovation. Bikky turned to everyone and his eyes immediately found Ryo, standing next to Dee.

"They really make a good couple, don't they?" Dee asked Ryo as though he expected him to answer. "Ah man, are you crying again? You have got to stop that, you know. Can't even watch Bikky grow up…get married…and leave…"

"I wont tell anyone." Ryo assured him with a as he pulled a tissue out of his pocket and pressed it into Dee's hand. The dark haired man accepted it but turned around before drying his eyes.

Everyone from the station had tried to get the day off, since it seemed that Bikky was in everyone's office at one point or another and rarely because of good behavior. To everyone else's great disappointment, Drake, JJ, Ted, and Rose were the only ones who were actually able to get time off. The chief refused to "let the city go unprotected so that everyone could watch two former juvenal delinquents could get hitched," as he had put it.

Aunt Elena and Uncle Rick had come, both saying that they had better end up with great grandchildren, or great grand nephews and nieces as they would actually be, soon. Bikky assured them that it would not take long with a quick glance to Carol.

"Ryo," One voice seemed to stop time. A small woman was walking toward where Dee and Ryo stood. "Looks like I caught a good time to have my friends look you up."

"Amy." Ryo whispered, stunned. She looked different from when he had seen her.

"No hard feelings, I hope." Dee extended his hand for her to shake. He tried to smile, but he had a suspicion that he would not get any kindness back.

"None at all." She pushed his hand out of the way but made up for it by giving him a hug. She turned to Ryo and did the same thing. "I just wanted to find you, talk with you again. Then I heard that Bikky was engaged and I had to see the wedding. I'm sorry for not calling you first."

"Its alright, I was hoping I would get to talk to you again. How have you been?" Ryo asked, holding Dee's hand tightly. All three were relieved by the absence of hostility and it showed on their faces.

"I've been just fine, I have a new boyfriend. His name is Mort and I am taking it slowly this time. I had planned on staying single for a while to think about things, but that didn't work very well. I suppose some people just cant stay single, I guess I'm one of them."

"Yeah, I've noticed that." Dee laughed, and held Ryo's hand tighter.

"Ooh, lets see what we have here." Amy reached down and grabbed Dee's hand. She examined the ring on his finger. She smiled, looking at Ryo's bright red face. "This is exactly the ring that you described to me, isn't it, the perfect ring."

"I got it custom made. It was expensive, but it was more than worth it. And since it was new, there is no tarnish on it at all." Ryo blushed some and kissed Dee's cheek.

* * *

Ok, reminder to those who forgot, since it has been such a long time, when he gave Amy her ring, it wasn't what he wanted, but he figured that it would work. It was also tarnished. Insert any symbolism you want. And about Mort, I'm sorry Wendy, I couldn't resist. 

**Excuses:**

Reason for it not being updated quickly: Visiting grandparents/great grandmother/uncles/etc.

Reason for it being short: Its an epilog!

Reason for so many author notes: I'm longwinded and I will miss this story.

Reason for the screw up: I realized that I forgot the very ending after I uploaded it, so I fixed it and then posted it. After I posted it, I realized that I forgot to add the lines. I re-uploaded the document, but when I did that, I forgot about the ending. A million apologies!


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